Island KAOS
by chill13
Summary: When Max and 99 travel to an island looking for a KAOS base they seven people who claim to be survivors of a shipwrecked Minnow. Max decides instantly they are KAOS. Will the help or hinder the mission when the real enemy threatens world domination?
1. Invasion

**1. Invasion**

A soft breeze rustled through the palm trees that skirted the bank of a sleepy lagoon. The sun had yet to rise as bird song joined the trickling of a small waterfall adding it's small contribution to the larger body of water.

V-shaped ripples disturbed the stillness as a periscope broke the once glass-like surface. After a 360 sweep of the area confirmed the absence of anything but plant and animal life a small submarine emerged and parked near the bank.

The hatch opened slowly with a loud grating screech. The effect on the quiet lagoon was akin to someone raking their fingernails across a school blackboard during 'nap time'. The man ascending from the dark hole grimaced and put a finger to his lips trying to shush the noisy hinges to silence. The door swung back the rest of the way clanging like a Chinese gong against the side.

"Max!" An alarmed voice echoed from inside. "Careful."

"Quiet, 99!" Max said looking back down the hole. "You don't want to wake up the whole neighborhood." With that he stepped out of the sub and splashed into the lagoon.

A tall woman with bright blue eyes rose halfway out of the hatch. She shook her head with a sigh. Her short, dark brown hair bounced slightly. "Oh, Max."

"Careful, 99." He sputtered as he surfaced. "That first step is a doosey." He scrambled, dripping, onto the shore and offered her a hand.

She took it with a teasing nod of her head. "Why, thank you, 86." He found it rather embarrassing how gracefully she hopped from the sub to the bank. A sympathetic smile touched her lips as she watched him try to wring out his suit with little success. "You should have taken the self-drying suit Windish offered."

"Bell bottoms with a pink and green plaid blazer, really 99!" He looked offended that she even suggested the idea.

"It was just a thought." She said with a shrug. "C'mon let's camouflage the sub."

He frowned, about to say that she took the words right out of his mouth, but decided it wasn't worth it. It took only a few minutes to break off enough shrubbery to cover the small U-boat.

"Looks good 99." He said, inspecting their camouflage job. Abruptly he turned and marched to a palm tree. Leaning on it he slipped off his shoe. "Time to call the Chief." 99 was amazed at his air of indifference as he poured a conglomeration of mud, seaweed and luke warm water out of his black oxford. With a twist of the heel he removed the entire sole to reveal a rotary telephone. He twisted the dial a few times before raising it to his ear.

"Hello Chief. This is Maxwell Smart agent 86 and 99 reporting in. We've just arrived at our destination."

"Good." A male voice came from his shoe. "You can open your instructions now."

Max nodded, reaching into his coat pocket to pull out a waterlogged manila envelope. 'TOP SECRET' was written across the front in, now dripping, red ink. 99 sighed. Max opened it carefully so as not to tear the soggy paper. They read the enclosed message together.

"**By means of a volcanic eruption on an island somewhere near Hawaii KAOS plans to deploy a mind controlling dust. Wind currents will disperse it over the whole planet. It will be inhaled by the entire human population. The dust then migrates from the lungs to the brain where it lays dormant until activated. It will be triggered when a KAOS satellite gives commands on a specific radio frequency. Anyone who has been exposed to the dust will be unable to resist carrying out any orders received through the satellite. **

**Your mission is to search the island for a KAOS base. If one is found take no action, remain undiscovered and report back to Headquarters. If not report in and return to Hawaii.**

**CONTROL HEADQUARTERS"**

"Wow. That's big!" The tall woman whispered in dismay.

"What are you talking about 99?" Max frowned, holding up the paper. "It's only 8x10."

99 sighed again. She sighed a lot when she was around Max.

Oblivious of his partner's frustration he spoke to his shoe. "Where did we get all this information, Chief?"

"A KAOS defector that was involved in the scheme contacted us. Unfortunately just as he was about to tell us the exact location of the island when he was killed."

"KAOS?"

"No. Smoking."

"Oh." 99 had been warning him about that habit.

"There are a number of islands in the general area he spoke of but only four fit the necessary criteria. One: it has to be deserted. And—"

"Do bananas count?"

"What?"

"You said the island has to be 'desserted'. I was asking if bananas count as a dessert. I see banana trees."

"Not 'desserted', Max!" The Chief's voice was a mixture of frustration and fatigue. He was beginning to get one of those headaches this particular agent seemed to detonate. "Deserted as in uninhabited, unpopulated. As in: Nobody lives there!"

"Oh." 86 looked slightly disappointed. "And what was the other criteria?"

The Chief had to take a few deep breaths before continuing. "An active volcano. Since there are four islands that fit we have to determine which one is the KAOS base before we make our move."

"Right." He took out his pistol and began slipping bullets into the chambers.

"If you do find the base try to observe undiscovered, and report back to me."

"No problem."

"Well, good luck on your search." His boss said by way of goodbye.

"Don't worry, Chief." Smart gestured at the jungle threateningly with his pistol. "If there's anyone out there we'll find 'em."

Author's note: Please excuse the lack of any GI charictures in this first chapter. But it's necessary for your full understanding of the story. Don't worry they come in chapter 2.


	2. Discovered

2. Discovered

Gilligan was up early. He smiled to himself, enjoying the  
serenity of the island dawn. Humming softly with the birds keeping  
the beat he strolled slowly along the trail to the lagoon. He was  
on his way to check the lobster traps, hoping that if he got the  
crustaceans early enough Maryann would have time to make a lobster  
pot pie for breakfast. His saliva glands began to overwork  
themselves at the thought of the young farm girl's cooking. It was  
one reason to be thankful for being stranded on a deserted island.  
The sun was nearly over the treetops as he sat down behind a clump  
of bushes near the lagoon. Another good thing about checking the  
traps so early was that he could swim in nothing but his shorts (on  
rare occasions not even that) without worrying too much about being  
seen by one of the girls.

He'd just slipped his first sock off when he stopped. He heard  
voices and they weren't those of his fellow castaways! They sounded  
close. Getting to his knees he parted the brush to see a man and  
woman not to far from the water's edge. He was about to shout a  
welcome to these potential rescuers when something stopped him.  
What's that guy doing? Gilligan wondered as he looked closer at the  
man in the drenched suit leaning against a palm. He's talking into  
something in his hand. His shoe! He's talking to his shoe! He  
cocked his head trying to make out every word of this unique  
conversation.

"Oh. And what's the other criteria?" The man asked his footwear.  
Gilligan made a quick mental note to ask the Professor  
what criteria' meant.

The man nodded as he listened to the shoe, giving an uh, huh' here  
and there. Then: "Right." The First Mate of the Minnow's blue eyes  
widened as he watched the man pull a gun out of his blazer and begin  
loading it.

"No problem." He snapped the barrel shut with a quick jerk of his  
wrist. "Don't worry, Chief," Gilligan's jaw dropped as the man  
gestured menacingly with the deadly weapon. He seemed to be aiming  
straight at his hiding place. "If there's anyone out there we'll  
find em."

With a loud gasp Gilligan scrambled backwards. He just knew this  
intruder was going to shoot him.

"Max, there's somebody there!" He heard the woman shout as he leapt  
to his feet and raced back down the trail leaving his shoe and sock  
behind.

- -

"Max, there's somebody there!" 99 stabbed a finger toward the  
jungle where there was a distinct scrambling sound.

"Who's there?" Max shouted as he started in pursuit. He got about  
two steps before he realized one shoe was still in his hand. "Stop  
or I'll shoot!" It was an empty threat; for the moment he said it  
he'd dropped his gun while trying to run and replace his shoephone  
at the same time. He ended up falling head first through the  
bushes. When he stood up there was a sock dangling from his mouth.

"Max, are you okay. Ewww." She scrunched up her petite nose and  
snatched it away. "I didn't know you were that hungry." She  
teased, examining the sock while he spit out a mouthful of  
sand. "Hey, there's a shoe here too." She picked up the white  
sneaker. "I wonder why he took them off. And why only one of each?"

"I donno 99. But we've got to follow him. We weren't supposed to  
be seen, remember? At least he can lead us to their base." He  
started off in the direction of the alleged KAOS agent. Although  
the suspect was long gone his trail was not difficult to follow for  
the footprints in the sand were deep. The tracking part was easy.  
It was fighting the imposing jungle that hindered their progress.  
After walking a short ways the trail came to a fallen log. Stepping  
over it they could see an almost perfect body-shaped depression in  
the soil.

"He must have fell." 99 observed as they passed. "Oh, look!" She  
stabbed a finger at the ground where several red spots dotted the  
sand.

"He's injured, 99." Max said as he noted that a smear of blood that  
now accompanied every right footprint.

"Surely, he can't be moving too fast now."

"Don't call me Shirley'." He said indignantly as they continued  
through the jungle following the trail of crimson drops.


	3. Search Party

3. A Search Party

"Skippeerrrrrr! Help!" Gilligan half ran half hopped into the  
midst of a group of grass huts. His scream caused every bamboo door  
to fly open but the first by far was the captain's.

"What is it?" The Skipper cried as he burst out of the hut. "Are  
you hurt? What's wrong?" The tough, weathered sea captain looked  
over his first mate in an almost maternal manner. With a gasp he  
asked: "What happened to your foot?"

For the first time since he'd took off from the lagoon Gilligan  
looked down at his unshod and bloody foot and nearly passed out. At  
one point in his retreat he'd tripped over a log and he now realized  
the fall had completely tore his big toenail off as well. He  
wobbled a little as he tried to concentrate on staying conscious.  
Stay awake, Gilligan, He told himself. You have to tell them what  
happened. He looked again and his knees started to buckle. _B-but  
it's so red and shiny and wet._ (gulp) _And it's all MINE!_

"You better sit down, little buddy." The larger man picked him up  
with no effort at all and set him on the table that stood in the  
center of the camp. "We've got to do something about that before it  
gets infected."

Before Gilligan could begin to feel sorry for himself he was  
suddenly assaulted by a barrage of voices.

"Are you okay?"

"What's all the yelling about? Oh, my!"

"What happ—Eeeeekk!"

"What's the meaning of yelling help' before noon? Good heavens!  
Lovey, I'm going to faint."

"Gillgian," Mrs. Howell scolded. "You shouldn't just go around  
bleeding like that. It's very untidy."

Of course no one gave him a chance to answer any of their  
questions. Every time he'd open his mouth to speak someone would  
interrupt.

"I think I might throw up." Ginger looked rather green as she held  
her hand to her mouth.

"I was going to the lagoon, and—"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" The Professor spoke to the Mr. Howell  
and Ginger. "It's just blood. Everybody has it."

"I have to tell you—"

"Dose it feel like it's broken?" Maryann asked who seemed to have  
produced the first aid kit from thin air and was now making a  
valiant effort to hide her nausea as she examined his toe

"No, but—"

"This is going to hurt a little." She said, pouring a bit of  
alcohol into the injury.

"This is imporaaaaaaoooooooch!"

"Sorry." Before he could say another word his toe was wrapped up in  
what looked like the cocoon of a mutated caterpillar with a big bow  
of gauze on top.

He shook his head in frustration. Everyone was still chattering and  
he couldn't get a word in edgewise. He had to tell them. Finally  
he just screamed at the top of his lungs: "Will everyone please  
listen to me? It's important!"

The silence was immediate. Gilligan never yelled at anyone. Ever.  
He had their complete and undivided attention. He was so surprised  
and pleased with the reaction that he almost forgot why he'd called  
for quiet in the first place.

"Well, Gilligan?" The Skipper urged.

"There's a guy and a girl and a shoe and they're going to kill us!"  
That wasn't exactly the way he'd intended to say it but that's the  
way it came out.

"What?" Said all the castaways at once.

"You're not making yourself clear, my boy." Mr. Howell hugged his  
scruffy teddy bear a little tighter.

"Start from the beginning." The Proffessor instructed.

"The beginning of what?" There wasn't time to tell the story from  
the beginning of time. Besides he didn't know it all.

"From when you woke up this morning." The captain's sympathy was  
starting to fade and he felt like reaching for his hat.

"Oh, right." Why hadn't he thought of that? He started talking at  
top speed. "I couldn't sleep so I went down to check the blobster  
raps…I mean the robster lamps…I mean the…" He clipped the air with  
his fingers, trying to mimic pincers.

"Lobster traps?" Maryann offered.

"Yeah. And when I reached the lagoon I heard voices."

"Are you sure they weren't in your head, my boy?"

"No. They were real. So I ducked down." He hopped off the table  
onto his knees. Everyone backed up a little to give him more room.  
They all knew when Gilligan got excited enough to act out a story  
his gestures could get pretty wild. "And I parted the bushes." He  
tried to look sneaky as he pushed the invisible leaves aside.

"Well, what did you see?" The Skipper was getting a bit impatient.

"There was a guy and a girl. And the guy was leaning against a big,  
fat palm tree." No one was surprised when the captain got to be the  
palm tree. "An' he was talk'n to his shoe." He was thankful for  
the Skipper's support as he slipped off his remaining sneaker. He  
let out a small yelp of pain as he put too much weight on his  
injured foot. But he recovered quickly as he brought his shoe up to  
his ear. "Like this."

"He was talking to his shoe?" The Skipper asked doubtfully. Then a  
sarcastic grin crossed his face. "Did it talk back?"

Gilligan, of course, didn't notice the cynical tone to the  
question. He answered in all seriousness and continued the  
narration. "I don't know. I wasn't close enough to hear. So while  
he's talking he pulls out a gun!" He held up his thumb and  
forefinger for the pistol and displayed them menacingly.

"A gun? Oh." By now Maryann was the only one who seemed even  
slightly concerned. The rest were listening more out of amusement  
than anything else.

"Then he says Don't worry, Chief. If there's anyone out there  
we'll find em.' And he shook his gun, like this!" He pointed his  
finger in the Skipper's face.

"Will you stop that!" He pushed Gilligan's hand away with a grunt  
of annoyance.

"That's when I ran back to camp. I tripped over a log on my way and  
that's how I stubbed my toe."

"What happened to your other shoe and sock?" The Professor asked.

"I didn't want them to get all wet and squishy with water so I was  
taking them off. That's when I heard someone talking."

"I was in a movie once where a man talked to his shoe." Ginger  
contributed. "It was called Speak With Your Sole'."

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head in that fall as well?" The  
Professor removed Gilligan's cap and pushed back his hair, searching  
for some sign of injury.

"No. My head's fine. Really. See?" He gave his noggin a couple  
of raps with his knuckles as if that proved the point.

"That's debatable." The Skipper grumbled just loud enough for  
everyone to hear.

Gilligan frowned at that comment. He could tell that no one really  
believed him.

"Maybe you were sleepwalking." Maryann suggested, trying to be  
helpful.

He shook his head as he took his hat back. "How could I be  
sleepwalking when I was wide awake?"

"Well, Don't walk on your foot too much." She leaned over and gave  
him a quick peck on the cheek. That made him feel a little better.  
He watched as she, Ginger and the Howell's returned to their huts to  
change, for no one had had a chance to change out of their  
nightcloths.

"You must have been hallucinating." The Professor concluded.

"I was not!" Gilligan protested indignantly. "And I wasn't just  
seeing things either."

"That's what hallucinating means." The Skipper explained in rising  
frustration. "Seeing things." After taking a deep breath to  
control himself he rested a hand on his first mate's shoulder. "You  
better take it easy for a while, little buddy. I'll tend to the  
lobster traps and find your shoe."

"No, Skipper! Don't!" As he turned to leave Gilligan grabbed the  
back of his shirt, nearly choking him in his effort to halt his  
departure.

"Let go!" He finally gave in to the urge to use his hat for  
violence, smacking his younger comrade over the head.

"I just don't want you to get shot." He sounded a little hurt as he  
released his hold.

The captain sighed. How could the little guy be so infuriating and  
endearing at the same time? He knew Gilligan truly believed what he  
was saying. He wouldn't invent a lie like this on purpose. But he  
also knew that his pint-sized pal had an overactive imagination that  
wouldn't quit. Sometimes it was just easier to humor him than to  
try to talk sense. "Would it make you feel better if I took the  
other trail to the lagoon?"

"Well…"

"After all, we need those lobsters for breakfast."

"I've been thinking." The Professor spoke up. "It is conceivable  
that he could have run into some sort of rescue party and  
misinterpreted their intentions."

"Yeah." A light seemed to turn on behind the Skipper's eyes. That  
light was the hope of being rescued.

"Killing people sure is a funny way of rescuing them." Gilligan  
crossed his arms in a pout. Why didn't anyone ever take him  
seriously?

"And maybe the shoe he saw was really some kind of radio! After all  
it wasn't quite light yet." The captain was beginning to get  
excited. "We need to organize a search party for the search party.  
Just think, after all this time were finally going to be rescued."

"Did I hear you say were being rescued?" Maryann came up excitedly  
behind them. She had changed into a pink and white, checkered dress  
that looked like it was made out of a table cloth.

"Yeah," Gilligan answered. "But ya' have to die first."

"What?"

"Ignore him." By this time everyone was back outside listening to  
the Skipper's explanation. "The Professor thinks that maybe the  
people Gilligan saw were some kind of search party."

Everyone was about to cheer when Gilligan interrupted.

"The gun. What about the gun, huh? Why would a search party have a  
gun?"

"It could have been a flare gun."

"It was not." He insisted. Do they really think I'm so stupid  
that I don't know what a flare gun looks like?

"I've got an idea, little buddy." The Skipper donned mischievous  
grin as he plucked Gilligan from the table, turned and entered their  
hut. "Why don't you just rest for awhile."

"I'm not sleepy, Skipper. Put me down!" He didn't struggle to hard  
for fear that the captain would just drop him. He'd already hurt  
his foot and he didn't want a bruised behind to match.

"Alright." He dumped him, not too gently, into the top  
hammock. "Now you just stay there and rest."

"How can I rest when there's people out there ready to kill me?  
Why, they could even be murderers!"

The Skipper rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to reply when  
Gilligan continued.

"They're out there, Skipper. You don't believe me. But they're  
really out there."

The captain spoke like he was talking to a three-year-old. "That's  
why you're staying in here."

The first mate made a move to get up. "But Skipper…"

"Gilligan, you stay here and relax." He thrust a threatening  
finger. "And that's an order!"

"Yes, sir." He slumped dejectedly back in his hammock. As he  
watched the senior sailor exit the hut he thought about getting up  
and sneaking to the window to listen, but decided against it.  
Getting out of a hammock was one activity Gilligan was not  
particularly skilled at. If he flipped out and landed wrong on his  
foot he was afraid his toe might fall off. So he crossed his arms  
in a huff and tried to evesdrop from where he was.

The Skipper came out of the hut with a cocky, self-satisfied  
grin. "There," he said, dusting off his hands. "Took care of that  
little setback."

The Professor nodded. "I think we should divide and search for  
these people. I'm sure they would find us eventually. But it would  
expedite matters if all six of us were searching for them too."

"Oooh, Thurston!" Mrs. Howell nearly bounced up and down. "A  
manhunt, how exciting!" Her expression turned suddenly  
puzzled. "Oh, dear. What does one wear to a manhunt?"

Ginger smiled provocatively. "As little as possible."

Maryann rolled her large, brown eyes. "Oh, brother."

The movie star continued undeterred. "I should know. Hunting men  
is my favorite sport."

Professor Hinkly ignored the comment and continued. "I think we  
should go by twos. Ginger, Maryann; why don't you girls search the  
jungle that way. The Skipper and I will search down by the beach.  
And Mr. and Mrs. Howell; you search by the lagoon."

"Hey, and me and Ginger can pick berries on the way." Maryann  
picked up a basket next to her hut.

"I don't see why not," The Professor said with as shrug and a  
smile. "We should be ready to accommodate these visitors."

"Great! C'mon Ginger." The two girls hurried off in the direction  
of their search area with baskets under their arms.

"Well, let's get goi'n Professor." The Skipper gave the smaller man  
a friendly slap on the back that nearly stung. As they headed off  
he waved back at the Howells. "Good luck. Oh, and look for  
Gilligan's shoe while you're at it."

They nodded and watched the genius and captain depart. "Thurston,  
do you think we are properly attired?" She looked down at their  
matching safari outfits.

"Yes. I think we dressed appropriately." He took her arm as they  
started for the trail leading to the lagoon. "With these we hunted  
lions in Africa. Now we're just looking for people instead."

"Oooh. You mean like marco polo'."

"I don't know about marco'. But I don't see what a horse a stick  
and a ball has to do with the current situation." He gave a sharp  
self-satisfied laugh. "Oh, Lovey, I believe I did pull a funny!"

"Oh, yes, dear." She patted his cheek. "You're so witty."


	4. Apprehending the Upper Class

4. Apprehending the Upper Class

After only a short time following the blood-spattered trail through  
the dense jungle Max and 99 heard an assortment of voices. Being  
extra quiet they snuck closer and carefully parted the bushes. They  
saw a cluster of four primitive-looking huts and standing just in  
front of them a small group of people mingled around a table.  
99 inspected the troupe closely and frowned. "Max," she  
whispered. "I don't see anyone with a hurt foot or missing a shoe."

"Sometimes the more ruthless KAOS agents don't like the hassle of  
dealing with the wounded so, kkkkkkkcchhhhiiickkk." He ran a finger  
across his throat.

Her eyes widened in horror and she was about to comment when a hut  
door swung open. A large man in a blue shirt and captain's hat came  
out. They listened closely as he spoke.

"There," He dusted his hands off as if he'd just completed some  
menial chore. "Took care of that little setback."

"Oh, Max, you're right. How terrible!"

"Yep, 99. These people are killers."

A man in a white shirt began to speak. "I think we should divide  
and search for these people. I'm sure they would find us  
eventually. But it would expedite matters if all seven of us were  
searching for them too."

"Oooh, Thurston!" An older woman in a kaki skirt, shirt and pith  
helmet turned to a man who was similarly attired, minus the skirt.  
He wore shorts. "A manhunt, how exciting!" 99 found it disgusting  
that a nice looking, older lady like that could be so enthralled by  
the prospect of chasing down innocent people. "Oh, dear. What does  
one wear to a manhunt?"

"Oh, Max." She swallowed hard and held his arm. He patted her hand  
gently. Only the two of them being pursued by six cold-blooded KAOS  
killers was a frightening thought.

"As little as possible." A tall, shapely redhead replied. "I  
should know. Hunting men is my favorite sport."

99 cocked her head and frowned. There was something very familiar  
about this woman. She knew that breathy, provocative voice, bright  
red hair and all-too-perfect figure from somewhere. Her horrific  
words positively identified her as evil. That's why 99 found it  
strange that her mind didn't automatically ding: KAOS agent'.  
She'd seen this person before but she didn't think it had anything  
to do with espionage. _Why can't I remember!_ She nearly grunted in  
frustration.

"I think we should go by twos." The man in the white shirt was  
saying. "Ginger, Maryann; why don't you girls search the jungle  
that way. The Skipper and I will search down by the beach. And Mr.  
and Mrs. Howell; you search by the lagoon."

"Hey, and me and Ginger can pick berries on the way." A very young  
woman with dark hair and large brown eyes said, picking up a basket.

"I don't see why not. We should be ready to accommodate these  
visitors."

"Max," 99 whispered. "Why would they do that? Pick berries."

"I hear tell," He scowled at the evilness of it all. "That a type  
of berry found on some of these islands can be used as a truth  
serum. If you eat them you can't tell a lie. I'm sure they're  
intending to use them on us."

"Great! C'mon Ginger." They watched as the two girls skipped off  
into the jungle at their left. _Ginger, hmmm. Even the name sounded  
familiar._ 99 thought.

"Well, let's get goi'n Professor." Said the big man in the blue  
shirt as they left. "Good luck." He waved at the older pair. "Oh,  
and look for Gilligan's shoe while you're at it."

"Thurston, do you think we are properly attired?" Said the woman  
looking at her clothes.

"Yes. I think we dressed appropriately. With these we hunted lions  
in Africa. Now we're just looking for people instead."

"They're coming this way!" 99 gasped and held Max's arm tighter.  
Being hunted like an animal was not a pleasant concept. He had to  
struggle slightly to break her grasp. "What are we going to do?"

"We take them into custody, of course." Max took out his gun and  
motioned for 99 to do the same.

"But, Max, the Chief told us to 'remain undiscovered.' Kidnapping  
someone is hardly being inconspicuous."

He rolled his beady eyes. "It's not kidnapping, 99. Besides, they  
already know we're here. So we might as well make the best of it."

"I think you should call the Chief and ask…" She stopped speaking  
as the potential kidnapees passed. They were so absorbed in their  
idle chatting they failed to notice the two CONTROL agents concealed  
in the bushes.

Without another word to 99 Max silently snuck up behind the man and  
poked his pistol in his back. "Don't move! And put your hands up."

"Good heavens!" His arched his back at the feeling of cold metal  
against his spine.

"Don't contradict yourself, young man!" The older woman scolded,  
glancing over her shoulder. "He has to move his hands to put them  
up."

Max frowned in thought for a moment. He turned to 99 who had come  
up beside him. "Eh, I guess she's right." He rearranged his  
order. "Okay, put your hands up and then don't move."

They both obeyed immediately.

"Don't you know who I am?" He asked indignantly.

"Sorry." Max said, who obviously wasn't. "I'm afraid I'm not  
familiar with every cheap criminal KAOS hires."

"Cheap! How dare you!" He whirled around and glared at Max,  
obviously so enraged he didn't care if he was shot.

His wife put a gloved hand on his shoulder. "Thurston, your blood  
pressure."

"I'll have you know I am Thurston Howell the Third, also known as  
the Wizard of Wall Street'!"

Max shook his head sadly. "KAOS must be in pretty bad shape to  
resort to something as ridiculous as magic."

99 frowned in thought. "That name does sound familiar, Max."

"Of course it sounds familiar, 99. You probably read about him on  
the CONTROL bulletin board."

"Look," Mr. Howell began to reach into his back pocket.

"Don't move!"

"I'm just getting my wallet." He continued, pulling it out as  
slowly and unthreateningly as possible, then holding it up for them  
to see. "I'll give you ten thousand dollars for our release."

"I don't want anything to do with the money you've earned with your  
criminal affairs!" 99 said.

"Sneaky and underhanded, perhaps. But criminal, never!"

Tears began welling up in Mrs. Howell's eyes. "You've had affairs?  
Oh, Thurston, how could you!"

"No, Lovey, dear. Not love affairs. Business affairs, money  
affairs."

"Oh, the things you do for money!" She was nearly hysterical by now.

"Lovey, NO!" Frustrated, he stamped his feet. He couldn't believe  
she would accuse him of such a thing. _Women can be so  
exasperating!_ "Don't be absurd!"

99 couldn't stand to see a wife in distress, even if she was a KAOS  
agent. "That's not what he means. You know, like: state of  
affairs."

"I don't care what state it happened in!"

She glanced at Max who rolled his eyes. He found the whole thing  
extremely pathetic. Even for him. "Alright, you two, shut up." He  
tried to sound menacing but succeeded with only limited success.

"That's no way tospeak to the higher class!" Mrs. Howell shook a  
finger at him.

"Fine," He grunted in frustration. "Would you two, please shut up!"

"That's better."

Max turned to his partner. "You stay here and watch these two while  
I go find the two KAOS agents with long hair."

"You mean those two girls Max."

"Maybe their girls, maybe they're not. They could just be wearing  
cleaver disguises."

"You leave those poor innocent girls alone!" Mrs. Howell shouted as  
Max turned to leave.

"Yes," the millionaire took a bold step forward. "If you harm a  
hair on their heads you'll have to deal with me!"

Max merely made one threatening twitch of his gun and he leapt  
behind his wife as if she would protect him from all danger.

"Poor innocent KAOS agents." 99 snorted. "That's an oxymoron if I  
ever heard one."

"There's no need to be insulting!" Mr. Howell shouted indignantly,  
still cowering behind the missus.

Author's note: Please tell me what you think so far.


	5. Gilligan to the Rescue Almost

5. Gilligan to the Rescue…Almost

"Drop those baskets!" Agent Smart shouted as he leapt out of the foliage, gun drawn.

The two girls screamed in surprise, dropping their baskets and sending red berries bouncing in all directions.

"W-who are you?" Maryann stammered.

"I'm Maxwell Smart, agent 86 of CONTROL and you are under arrest. And if you think you're going to use those truth berries on me you're got another think coming."

"'Under arrest', for what?" Ginger asked indignantly.

"For being sneaky, conniving, malicious, evil and last but not least, trying to take over the world. Now march, and keep your hands where I can see them."

"Oh," Maryann lamented. "We should have listened to Gilligan!"

"'Gilligan', that's a code name if I ever heard one." Max watched the two girls closely as they picked their way through the jungle. "Is he your leader?"

"Gilligan, our leader?" The two castaways looked at each other and burst into a giggling fit.

"What's so funny?" Max asked with a frown, slightly disappointed that he didn't get the joke. "Fine!" He said in a huff. "If you're not going to talk then no talking at all! Now keep walking!"

It took only a minute or so to reach 99. He lined the two girls up next to the Howells then stood next to his partner.

He was about to ask 'what next' when a voice was accompanied with a cold, hard object poking into his back.

"Stick 'em up!"

-

"Gilligan!" Maryann shouted.

He smiled at her and waved over the spy's shoulder with his free hand. That done he went back to more serious matters. He was trying his best to sound just like the hero of his favorite cop show that he used to watch back home. "Put those guns down. Slowly! And no funny stuff." He poked the man's back threateningly with the banana he held like a pistol in his right hand. "This thing is loaded and I know how to use it." Gilligan hoped like crazy they wouldn't call his bluff, because if they turned around and saw his fruity weapon he knew he was in trouble.

-

99 did as she was told and bent down slowly to set her gun at their feet. She rose just as slowly stealing a quick glance backward at their antagonist. "Max," She whispered quickly. "It's the old gun-in-the-banana peel trick."

-

Gilligan was pretty proud of himself for apprehending these trespassers single-handedly. They were even disarming themselves on his command. Things went very well until the girl whispered something to her partner that he couldn't quite make out. He leaned a little closer and was about to inform her that whispering was rude when things went bad. The man suddenly whirled around, clenched fist flying. Before Gilligan could even think about ducking there was a sharp pain in his jaw that knocked him off his feet. He landed hard on his backside, squeezing the banana a little to tight as he hit the ground.

-

Max knew he was taking the chance of getting himself shot, killed of or both. But being a prisoner to KAOS was just as hazardous. Even if he just made a long enough distraction that 99 could escape it would be worth it. He was swift in his attack and before he even saw his target he felt his fist hit home. The last thing he saw was the young man hitting the ground before everything went white as a well-aimed projectile plowed into his face. To everyone's surprise he didn't so much as flinch. He simply raised a finger, wiped a bit of the sticky, white mush off one check and tasted it.

"That wasn't the 'old gun-in-the-banana-peel trick', 99! It was the 'banana-in-the-banana-peel trick'." He ran a hand down his face trying to wipe off as possible. Turning to the young man still sitting in the sand he gestured threateningly with his gun. He never really had set it down. "Alright, smart aleck, get over there with the others."

Gilligan nodded vigorously, his wide blue eyes glued to Max's weapon. He dropped the now empty banana peel, struggled to his feet, limped over and stood next to Maryann. _I wish the Skipper were here now. He'd show this guy a thing or two. Then he wouldn't act so tough._

Max turned and whispered into 99's ear. "Keep your eye on that kid. He's a shrewd one."

Somehow 99 didn't think so.

"That was very brave of you." Maryann said as she noticed the defeated look on Gilligan's face.

"It doesn't matter." He said with a shrug. "It didn't work anyway."

"You've both got a point." Mr. Howell added. "That was noble, my boy. Noble but stupid."

"We didn't need you're two cents Mr. Howell." Maryann countered, hands on her hips.

"Two cents? How dare you!" He cried indignantly. "A Howell could never say anything worth less than a thousand. And that's _dollars_ mind you."

"How did you know we were in trouble, Gilligan?" Ginger asked.

"I heard you guys…uh…I mean girls scream. I figured you must' a been captured so I came to rescue you." In truth he'd been dozing and the shout had startled him so bad he flipped right out of his hammock and into the Skipper's, which promptly dumped him onto the floor. Only after his own panic subsided did the girls' possible peril dawn on him.

"Well I've got an escape plan that's foolproof." Ginger said under her breath as she took a few steps toward Max.

"I thought I told you not to move."

"Mr. Smart, do I look dangerous to you?" She made a long graceful gesture indicating her shapely form.

"Eh," He looked her up and down, then admitted; "not particularly."

"She could be hiding a weapon." 99 said. She did not trust this woman a single bit. And this whole scene was beginning to look strangely familiar. It was like she'd seen it in a movie or something.

"And where exactly would I hide it?" She struck a pose and glared at Max, daring him to frisk her. "Besides, don't you know who I am?"

"No." Max said immediately.

"You do seem familiar." 99 admitted, lowering her gun slightly.

"Does 'Ginger Grant: internationally known actress' ring a bell?"

"That's where I've seen her!" 99 cried triumphantly.

"She just made it up, 99." Max said matter-of-factly ignoring Ginger's cry of indignation. "She just mixed the names of two famous movie stars; _Ginger_ Rogers and Cary _Grant_. Although I doubt she could do any dancing in that dress."

"No, Max. We've been to some of her movies."

"_I_ would not pay money to see any KAOS agent on the big screen no matter how sexy they look."

99 tried her best to ignore that comment. "Remember that movie we saw, 'Feed the Fire', about the volcano that was going to destroy that little island?"

Max's beady eyes practically popped out of his head as he stared at Ginger with new enlightenment. "She looks just like that gorgeous native girl that they threw into the volcano! The one you kept insisting was an unrealistic choice for a native because she was 'a carrot-top and as white as a sheet'."

"Yes, that's Ginger Grant!" 99 remembered the film vividly. She'd thought the movie was well made but was to jealous to really enjoy it because she couldn't get over the way Max kept drooling over the scantly clad native women. Especially Ginger.

"Don't be so hasty, 99." Although impressed by the resemblance Max was obviously still not convinced. "There are such things as plastic surgeons, y'know."

99 thought about it for a minute. "You think she could have had plastic surgery to look like Ginger Grant?"

Gilligan frowned. _Ginger certainly has the money to have an operation like that. But…_ He decided to voice his doubts. "Why would she have plastic surgery to look like herself?"

"I never had any such thing!" The movie star nearly shouted her denial but quickly switched to a soft purr. "I'll prove to you that there's no plastic on this face." She'd finally inched close enough to put an arm around Max's neck. "A kiss should do it."

"Max!" 99 shouted, startling Max and Ginger. "Don't let her kiss you."

He looked at 99 and frowned. "Why not?"

"Yeah." The redhead protested. "How could one little kiss hurt anything?"

"You could have poison lipstick."

_Good thing I always avoided those kisses._ Gilligan thought.

"It is not poison!" Ginger cried in disbelief of the outrageous accusation. "I'll prove it." She kissed the back of her hand and looked pointedly at Max. "See?"

"You could have taken an antidote."

The movie star groaned in frustration. "Fine! I'll kiss Gilligan. When he doesn't die that will prove it."

"Oh, no." Gilligan shook his head and started backing away.

"Come on. Just one teensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy kiss."

"How itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny a kiss would it be?" He continued giving ground until he backed into a palm tree.

_Why does this whole conversation remind me of yellow polka-dot bikinis? _Max thought. _Maybe because Ginger would look good in one._

Ginger was Gilligan's friend and he cared about her but there were times when her bold, provocative nature made him want to run away screaming. So when she leaned in for the kiss he tried to dodge out of the way. The only problem was in his haste to retreat he knocked himself senseless as he slammed head first into the palm tree. The moment Ginger's lips brushed his cheek he slumped to the ground, unconscious.

"See!" 99 cried in triumph. In truth she'd only made the poison lipstick accusation to halt Ginger's advances on Max. But when you're right you're right.


	6. All Lies

**6. All Lies**

Jonas Grumby and Roy Hinkly (the Skipper and Professor, respectably) were returning to camp to test the Professor's theory that a signal fire would further expedite their liberation.

"We should use materials that smoke excessively." The Professor was saying as they entered the small ring of huts.

The conversation was abruptly halted by a loud commotion in the jungle ahead. Banishing all thoughts of the fire they rushed to see what all the clamor was about.

The Skipper's insides twisted with dread at the scene that greeted them as they burst through the underbrush into a small clearing. Gilligan's motionless form sprawled silently in the sand while Ginger and Maryann hovered worriedly over him. The Howell's spoke in nervous whispers glancing from Gilligan and the two strangers who stood menacingly nearby, guns drawn.

Ignoring the Professor's warning of the newcomer's weapons the Skipper rushed to his fallen comrade's side.

"Gilligan?" Putting a hand on his young friend's shoulder he shook him gently. "Are you alright, Gilligan? Gilligan!" Gilligan made no response to his insistent prodding.

"You killed him!" The Skipper boomed rising to his feet to face to two supposed assassins, ready to avenge his Little Buddy.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Max said, taking on a defensive stance with his hands on his hips. "Your self proclaimed actress here gave the poor kid the kiss of death."

"I barely touched him!" Ginger insisted. "When I tried to kiss him the idiot tried to duck out of the way and knocked himself out on the palm tree."

"Well, you had to have done something." Argued Max. "Otherwise, why is his face swelling up like that?" He pointed to where Gilligan's left cheek was turning red.

"Um, Max?" 99 whispered discreetly. "That's where you hit him, remember?"

"Oh, eh, right."

At the sound of a pained groan they all turned to see Gilligan propped up on one elbow and rubbing the back of his head.

"Gilliganlittlebuddy!" The Skipper shouted in relief as he and the Professor helped the boy to his rather wobbly feet. "You're alright!"

Ignoring the exclamation he turned to his captain with half-glazed eyes. "Skipper, do you see stars?"

"You can't see stars in the daytime." Max scolded before the seaman had a chance to respond. "They must be fireflies."

Gilligan nodded as if the answer made perfect sense.

"Gilligan!" The Skipper exclaimed noticing the red spot just above his left jaw for the first time. He'd been too concerned about his first mate's life that he hadn't heard Max mention it. "What happened to your face?"

"Uh…" He lifted a hand to his cheek and winced. It took a moment to clear his head. "I got punched." He said finally, glancing worriedly at Max as if he were afraid he might do it again.

"It was self defense." Max replied to the Skipper's piercing glare.

"Oh, come now!" The Professor shook his head in disbelief. "Gilligan couldn't hurt a fly."

"He threatened me," The CONTROL agent insisted. "With a banana!"

"Anyway," 99 interrupted the conversation in hopes of shutting up her partner before he could make himself look even more idiotic. "You are under arrest."

"Why, and under who's authority!" The Professor protested.

"Under the authority of the Chief of CONTROL who's under the authority of the president of the United State's of America. And because you're trying to take over the world. As if you really didn't know." He added the last comment with a sarcastic roll of his beady eyes.

"That's preposterous!"

"Yeah," Gilligan added. "And it's silly too!"

"How could we take over the world?" The Skipper asked. If the situation wasn't so intense he would have laughed out loud at the thought. "We've been stranded on this island with no outside contact for over two years!"

"A likely story!" Max said with a sneer. "And I suppose you're going to tell me that you are _not_ KAOS agents either. And I suppose you're going to tell me that you do _not_ have a secret base on this island and that you're all completely innocent of any crimes whatsoever."

"Wow." Gilligan said, impressed. "He's a good guesser."

"Besides," Agent Smart continued. "You couldn't have been just _living_ here for two years because the government has classified this island as uninhabited and if you were living here that would mean you were inhabiting it making you an inhabitor and thereby rendering it inhabited. Therefore you are accusing the government of lying and that's not very nice."


	7. Incriminating Evidence

7. Incriminating Evidence

"Well, 99," Max said proudly. "I think we should call the Chief and tell him we've apprehended the perpetrators of the evil aforementioned scheme and he should send the appropriate transportation."

"But we don't have any solid evidence yet."

"I wasn't finished yet 99." Max pretended to continue. "…after we've found the incriminating evidence." Without warning he whirled around shoving his face about an inch from Gilligan's. "Where's your base?" He asked as threateningly as possible.

"I don't know. We don't even have a baseball field to put one in." The frightened young man said with a shrug.

Max sighed and turned to 99. "They're not cooperating!" He said with a pout.

"There has to be some way to prove our innocence." The Professor said struggling against the vines now binding his wrists. Max had taken the precautionary measure of tying everyone's hands to minimize the chances of their escape.

"There has to be some way to prove their guilt." Max was deep in thought, completely ignoring the Professor.

"Why don't you search the huts? I assure you, you will find no incriminating evidence against us."

"Will you stop talking? I'm trying to think." After a moment of deep concentration Max's eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. "I've got it! We'll search the huts and see if we can find any incriminating evidence there."

The Skipper and Professor exchanged an odd glance then looked over at 99 who just shrugged. "Good thinking Max."

"Why, thank you, 99." He said as if he already knew how brilliant he was. "You search while I stand guard and make sure none of these desperate criminals try to escape."

99 looked at the row of 'desperate criminals'. For some reason those words didn't seem to fit. _What's wrong with you!_ She chastised herself for being so sentimental. _Just because they don't look like KAOS agents doesn't mean they aren't._

"Right, Max."

"Just a minute!" Mrs. Howell said. "I don't think I like the idea of that girl rifling through our things, Thurston. Besides, the hut isn't ready for visitors."

"But Lovey-poo, these people are insane. They won't even take a bribe!And they're going to hold us here until they can prove we are innocent. Searching our hut seems to be the only way they'll be satisfied."

"Well, alright." She turned to 99 shaking a finger. "But wipe your feet before you go in. I wouldn't want any sand on the floor."

"But your floor _is_ sand." The Skipper protested, somewhat confused by the antics of his rich friend.

"Yes, but the sand from outside is so dirty."

"Don't worry, I'll wipe my feet." 99 assured her as she headed for the hut.

"Thank you dear."

--

99 entered the hut carefully, gun drawn. Her senses ever alert for traps that might be awaiting any unwary intruder. Once satisfied that she'd not triggered a barrage of bullets or poison gas she relaxed a bit, holstered her pistol and began a methodic search.

She found it interesting to take a peek into these people's lives. As she opened the closet a hanging zoo immediately came to mind. There was a mink stole, a leopard jacket, a long silver fox coat and various other furs. She couldn't help but run her fingers through the soft spotted leopard pelt. _It probably looked even more beautiful when it was alive._ She thought, denying the urge to try it on.

She moved on to the vanity on which was a large collection of sparkling glass containers of all shapes and sizes, each containing a different and obviously expensive perfume. Next to them was a jewelry box the contents of which she found rivaled the crown jewels of England.

While searching the beds she discovered a scruffy looking teddy bear placed carefully in the middle of the pillow. Turning the well-loved toy over in her hands she wondered if it belonged to Mr. or Mrs. Howell. Just as she set it down a large blue trunk at the foot of the bed caught her attention. As she lifted the lid she was utterly stunned that it had not been locked, considering it was filled to the top with money.

In another case this would be incriminating evidence. This time, however, she realized that it supported the Howell's identity. She remembered an article she'd read a few years back about the somewhat eccentric financial genius. One of the things it had mentioned (aside from a complete obsession with Fort Knox and Harvard education) was he never took a trip without a trunk full of cash.

The girls hut was no more incriminating. On Ginger's side there was makeup, a few costumes and an autographed picture of herself to herself and under her pillow was a lipstick-smeared photo of Rock Hudson. 99 thought she'd found something on the actress when she discovered a gun in the costume trunk. But, alas, it was only a stage pistol full of blanks. Maryann's side was neat and quaint. 99 wasn't quite sure what it was but something about that side of the room said 'farm girl'. She found nothing to suggest that the resident of that side of the hut was an agent of KAOS either.

The next hut, Gilligan an the Skipper's, did hold some weapons; an old Japanese rifle and bayonet that must have come from WW2, a makeshift bow and arrow and a cheap pistol. What she didn't find, however, was any ammunition to load them with (with the exception of the bow and arrow). '_Not a very intimidating arsenal'_ 99 concluded. Not to mention KAOS agents generally took great pride in the condition of their weapons and the guns she found here were slightly rusty and stiff from disuse. This did not totally fade her suspicion, however. For she well knew that the apparent lack of arms could be deceiving and just about any common innocent-looking object could conceal a lethal device.

She was about to give up on actually finding anything and move on to the next hut when something caught her eye. The spine of a small black book was just barely visible on the floor between the wall and a cabinet. It was possible that it had simply fallen back there by accident but for some reason 99 didn't think so. If it was purposefully hidden then it could very well be the evidence she was looking for.

She pulled it out and sat in the nearest chair. "My Diary" was written in gold script across the cover. It wasn't exactly what she had expected but if they were truly agents of KAOS she was sure it would still hold the evidence needed to convict them After all it was rare that a KAOS agent could resist bragging about his evil exploits even if it was in his own diary.

But as she began reading she realized the whole thing was a mistake.

-

The Skipper sneezed loudly.

"Gesuntite." Max said politely while still keeping his gun trained on the imposing man.

Little did the spy know that the nasal explosion had been faked only to hide the sound of vines snapping away from the captain's massive wrists. He kept his now-freed hands behind his back waiting for the right opportunity to take over the much smaller spy. There was no doubt in his mind that the time would come soon for Max had been inching closer as he continued to brag about how KAOS's evilness would never prevail over the goodness and niceness of CONTROL.

He was standing directly in front of him when they heard 99 call; "Max!" Max turned his head as she exited the hut waving a small black book. The Skipper realized that this momentary distraction was his only chance.

With a quick but powerful slap to Max's hand he sent his gun sailing a surprising distance into the bushes.

Thus disarmed the spy bent into a fighting crouch his beady eyes watching for the Skipper's next move. "Don't worry 99, I can handle him!" Max shouted over his shoulder.

The sailor crossed his arms over his barrel-like chest. "You can, huh?"

"That's right fatso." With that he swung a left that made direct contact with the captain's jaw. Max waited expectantly for the man to fall, but with a sinking feeling he realized the only reaction he'd had to the blow was a slight sideward jerk of his head when Max's fist made contact. He hadn't even made an effort to block the punch. With a frown of determination he tried again to incapacitate the KAOS captain; this time with a karate chop to the shoulder. There was a bit more of a response this time. A corner of his mouth twitched noticeably. At first Max thought it was from the pain he had inflicted. After only a second's consideration, however, he realized the sailor was trying to hold back a cocky grin. With a grunt of frustration he put all his strength into one more valiant swing. He aimed for the stomach, the bulging area under that big blue shirt, hoping to knock the wind out of his opponent. Nothing. He'd had three strikes, and by the scowl on the captain's face Max knew he was out. In hope of softening the situation he tried to fake a friendly grin as he threw an arm over the rock-hard shoulders. "Eh, I hope I wasn't out of line with that crack about fatso."

Apparently he was for the Skipper made a small growl and two huge fists grabbed his shirt and hauled him roughly off the ground until their noses nearly touched and Max was staring directly into the intense blue eyes of an angry sea captain.

He allowed himself a quick glance at 99, hoping she was about to come to his rescue. _She has her gun in her hand_, he thought. _So why doesn't she do something? Is she just going to stand there and watch me get pummeled!_ He didn't call out for her help. He was too confused over her inaction._ Some friend and partner she turned out to be._

His attention snapped back as his assailant spoke just inches from his face…loudly. "Now you listen to me! I don't care if you're a government agent or not! You can't just go around threatening people!"

"Yeah, it's intimidating." Gilligan added.

Max opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted as the Skipper continued. "And we're not these KAOS agents you keep talking about. None of us are spies, or have ever been spies. In fact," He addressed the castaways. "Have any of us ever even met a spy?"

There was an overall shaking of heads, except for Ginger. "I used to go with the actor who played James Bond."

Ignoring the movie star the Professor added, "You see, Mr. Smart, we have absolutely no affiliation with an espionage organization of any kind."

Max's beady eyes squinted into a skeptical glare. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Ahem…uh…Max." Hearing her voice he looked over his shoulder at 99. She was holding up a black book with an apologetic tint to her gorgeous blue eyes. His stomach churned uncomfortably, fearing her announcement might just make him barf.

"Don't tell me they're not really KAOS agents." He pleaded.

"They're not really KAOS agents, Max."

"I asked you not to tell me that!"

-

-

Author's note: All's well that end's well? I think not. You'll meet the _real_ villans in the next chapter.


	8. An Explosive Lunch

**8. An Explosive Lunch**

Max had taken a little convincing but after listening to 99's reasoning he finally decided that the castaways were harmless. Just to show there was no hard feelings and in celebration of the spy's promise to call a rescue boat, Maryann had made a brunch fit for an island chief. Max and 99 had graciously accepted the islanders' invitation.

"We're really sorry about the whole misunderstanding thing." Agent Maxwell Smart said as he stuffed another bite of fish salad into his mouth.

"That's okay." Gilligan said from across the table. "Even secret agents make mistakes."

"Yeah," Said the Skipper, elbowing the Professor in the ribs. "But nobody has ever mistaken Gilligan as an evil genius before."

"Nobody's ever called me an evil anything before." The first mate added.

"Well, you never can tell," Max, said ominously. "Sometimes the most innocent looking person can be most deadly."

"It must be horrible being a spy." Maryann said with a shudder. "Never knowing who to trust."

"The pay." Sniffed Mr. Howell.

"Having to slink when you walk. Slinking is so uncouth." Said Mrs. Howell with a disgusted wave of her hand.

"Always having to watch your back." The Skipper added.

"Fighting all the time." The Professor inserted.

Max fixed them with a hard, determined stare. "And loving it."

"Wow." Gilligan said silently to himself, staring at agent Smart in awe.

99 smiled proudly at her partner. "Being a spy is not so bad."

"I think it would be glamorous." Ginger batted her extra long black eyelashes at Max, who didn't even notice. "Using different aliases, and traveling to exotic places all for the sake of saving the world."

"Getting to mingle with some of the best scientific minds our country has to offer." Said the Professor, smiling at the thought.

"Yeah," Gilligan piped up. "You get to use lotsa really cool gadgets. Like that 'nail replacement kit'. That works great! My foot doesn't hurt at all anymore."

"I'm glad."

When the two spies had learned about Gilligan's unfortunate fall they (or at least 99) had felt somewhat accountable for his injury. After all, if they hadn't scared him half out of his wits he wouldn't have been running wildly through the jungle like a madman.

She had insisted that she could do a better job of patching the first mate up than just a gauze bandage. After she had removed the dressing, without even a grimace at the sight of the injury, she pulled a small box out of one of her pockets. "This is a nail replacement kit." She explained as she opened the box to reveal a set of red, acrylic finger and toenails, a small bottle of what looked like clear nail polish and a file. "In the spy business it's easy for a girl to injure a nail in a fight or something and that can really affect your performance. You wouldn't believe how a hangnail can weaken a karate chop."

"I can imagine," Said Ginger.

Once 99 had found a nail the right size she pulled out the bottle and unscrewed the lid, which held a tiny brush to dip into the clear concoction. "This is really and ingenious substance," She said as she began brushing the liquid onto the underside of the acrylic replacement. "It's one of the strongest glues I've seen not to mention a disinfectant, a healing agent and a painkiller."

"Amazing," murmured the Professor.

"This will hurt only for a second." 99 said as she placed the nail in position and pressed hard to be sure the glue set good.

Gilligan winced for a moment but relaxed as the painkiller began to take effect. "Wow," He said staring at his one red toenail. "That's great."

"When your nail grows back that one will fall off."

"Thanks." He walked around in a circle, and was delighted that he could do so without pain. "It's a good thing you gave me a red one."

"Why?" The Skipper beat 99 to the question.

"Because it matches my shirt." He wasn't quick enough to dodge a smack from the captain's hat.

"Well," Max said dabbing his mouth with a napkin as he rose from his seat. "Time to call the Chief."

"Oh," Maryann spoke up, her large brown eyes pleading. "Please tell him to send someone back for us soon."

"Don't worry, kid." He said, with what he thought was a charming smile. "We'll have the seventh fleet out here to pick you up."

The Professor knew it was a deliberate overstatement but he couldn't help but comment on it. "The seventh fleet would hardly halt their procedures to pick up a few castaways."

Max cocked one eyebrow. "Would you believe the sixth fleet?"

"Hardly." The island genius grinned.

"How 'bout two cops in a rowboat?"

Everyone at the table laughed as he walked a ways from the table. They all watched curiously as he took of his shoe and removed the sole.

"Gilligan wasn't just seeing things." The Skipper announced, patting his little buddy on the back. "He really does have a shoephone!"

"I told ya." He said as he reached into the fruit bowl. What he pulled out brought a frown to his face. A coconut. The first thing he noticed was that it was whole. That was odd because all the coconuts in that bowl should have been broke open. He would know; that had been his job. The second strange thing he noted was the sparkling wick sticking out the top. "Hey guys," He said holding it up. "Take a look at this crazy candle!"

Both the spies gasped in horror, while the castaways stared in confusion. "It's a bomb!" 99 shouted.

Gilligan's blue eyes gaped at the lethal object in his hands. "Here, you take it!" He tried to pass it to the Skipper who, in sudden panic gave it right back.

The deadly game of hot potato didn't last long for Max went into immediate action. He dropped his shoephone and leapt back to the table, snatching the coconut out of Gilligan's hands and with a frantic pitch sent it flying into the jungle. "GET DOWN!" He shouted, diving to the ground and pulling Gilligan, who happened to be the closest, down with him. The rest of the castaways followed suit, except Mrs. Howell.

"I'm not going to jump down in the dirt like that!" She said, shocked at such goings on at the table. "It's uncouth."

"I will not have my wife blown up by a coconut. No get down here Lovey!" Mr. Howell ignored her protests as he pulled her off her seat and pushed her to the ground.

The deafening explosion that followed covered the whole landscape with pieces of misplaced surroundings, including a toppled palm tree that landed dangerously close to where Max lay face down in the sand.

He stared at it with wide eyes then looked back to the group. "Missed me by that much." He indicated the space he held between his forefinger and thumb.

"Is everybody alright?" The Skipper asked, helping Ginger to her feet.

There were stunned nods all around.

"Oh, my!" Mrs. Howell said, dusting the dirt off her cloths and picking pieces of foliage out of Thurston's hair. "I've never seen a coconut blow up like that; except for the time I tried to boil one."

"That was no real coconut." Max said as he dusted himself off.

"You mean it was counterfeit?" Mr. Howell gasped.

Max glared ominously at the millionaire. "That so called 'coconut' was really a cleverly disguised bomb."

"But what kind of homicidal maniac would put a bomb in our fruit bowl?" The Skipper asked angrily, pounding a fist on the table.

"The kind that wants to blow us up." He replied simply.

Mrs. Howell gasped. "How rude!"

"Hey guys!" Gilligan called, just now standing up. "How do you spell chaos?"

"C-H-A-O-S." Said the castaways at the same time the spies answered: "K-A-O-S."

"They're right." Gilligan pointed at the Max and 99 before the islanders had a chance to comment on their poor spelling.

"What are you talking about? Everyone knows you spell it C-H-A-O-S."

"Well whoever lost this wasn't everyone." The first mate held up a small gold object.

"What did you find there, Little Buddy?" The Skipper asked, peeking over his shoulder.

"I think it's a ring." He said handing it over.

The captain nodded as he turned the object over in his hands. It was indeed a ring, a very large one. "KAOS." He read aloud the letters deeply engraved in the shining band.

"Let me see that!" Max snatched it away, examining it closely. "99, look at this!"

"That means the base must be on this island." She said after getting a good look at the ring.

"I've got to call the Chief." Max reached for his shoephone but instantly realized his foot was bare. Then he remembered he was using it when the bomb went off. He walked to the edge of the jungle where he had been standing at the moment he dropped it and went for the coconut. "Oh, great!" He cried in frustration.

"What!" 99 ran over to where her partner was now kneeling next to the fallen palm tree. The castaways followed.

"The tree fell on it 99!" He cried in despair as he tried to pull his shoe out from under the giant trunk. With a giant heave and a grunt of effort it finally popped out. The momentum sent him falling backwards. He looked up at his partner from where he landed flat on his back. "99, Can a tree work for KAOS?"

She rolled of her eyes and helped him up.

Max turned the remains of his shoephone over in his hands, shaking his head sadly as he looked at the shattered circuitry. He looked up and frowned. "Trying to blow someone up is one thing; but breaking a man's shoephone? Now that's going too far."

"At least we still have the radio in the sub."

"Right." Said Max as he slipped the remains of his shoe back on his foot. "Let's go."

99 and the islanders watched as Max lowered himself down the hatch and into the tiny submarine.

"Now you see why we couldn't just take you all back with us."

"Yeah." Gilligan leaned over and peered down the opening. "I bet Skipper wouldn't even fit down the hole."

"Why you little…" The Skipper made a swing at him with his hat. Gilligan ducked out of the way and slipped off the bank right into the lagoon. The following splash drenched everyone on shore.

The girls squealed, the Skipper and Mr. Howell shouted threats and 99 laughed.

"Is it raining out there?" Came Max's voice from inside the sub.

"No, Max." 99 said peering down the hatch, drops of water from her hair falling into darkness. "Why don't you have the light on?"

"I can't find the switch." There were a few clangs and bumps as he groped around in the shadows. "Oh, good. Here's a flashlight."

"No, Max. DON'T!"

There was the deafening sound of a gunshot. Sparks and smoke billowed out of the hatch. Then there was silence.

"Max!" 99 shouted, her heart racing. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Came the coughing answer. "But the sub has seen better days." There was a long pause. "99?"

"What Max?"

"Why didn't you tell me we brought the flashlight gun?"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry I've taken so long to update. I had a lot going and a major writers block. I can't promise regular updates but I'll try to do better.


	9. An Evo Prot

**9. An Evo Prot**

"This is the perfect irrand to execute our ritto scheme." The oriental man lounged comfortably, his yellow silk robe clashing with the crimson of the plush armchair. He stroked his chin with his left hand while gesturing casually with his right arm, which ended, not in a hand, but a large black magnet.

He was speaking to a rather short, stout figure typing wildly at a bank of blinking computer terminals.The black cape draped over his shoulders rustledslightly as he tapped at the keyboard. Every few moments he would pause to examine his work, stroking his dark goatee as he did so.

They sat in a large chamber of black volcanic stone. The lava cave contrasted highly with it's luxurious contents. Several intricately designed Oriental rugs covered most of the cave floor. Along one wall sat a large antique couch with several over-stuffed and tasseled pillows arranged on it. Directly across from that stood the highly-polished bank of computers, with it's constant mechanical chirps and blinking lights. Another wall stood out against its organic companions; it was made of a shining steel alloy with an imposing metal hatch that posed as a door. It was currently open. It had obviously been set in as a divider to separate that room from the rest of the lava tube.

"Yes, a perfect irrand." The oriental fellow continued. "Far from the shipping ranes, just the right size of varcano, and no one riving on it."

"You are correct in all but one of your assessments, Mr. Claw." The other man said in a deep Transylvanian accent as he swirled his chair around to face his comrade. His entire mannerism was reminiscent of a short Dracula.

"Oh?" His slanted eyes widened slightly.

"There are people living on the other side of the island."

"What!" He nearly bolted from his chair. "Are you crazy, Barrinkoff? What if dey discover our base?"

"Do not worry, my magnetic friend." He grinned like an evil Cheshire cat. His wide eyes were both insanely wild and calmly calculating. "There are only seven inhabitants and they rarely venture to this side of the island."

"It is a foorish risk."

"On the contrary." Boris Balinkoff stood with a flourish and began to pace as he spoke, his cape swirling around him when he turned. "Should there be any suspicions or information leakage they are our…how do you say it? Ah, yes. Ace in the hole. You see; should anyone, CONTROL agents for instance, come poking their nose about they will discover the stranded castaways before they ever have a notion that we are present. Being the fools they are they will automatically assume that we would never pick location for our operations that is so close to those who might encounter it. When in truth our entrances are so obscure they would never discover themeven if they were directly under their noses."

"Ah. I now see your reasoning. A rava tube is the perfect hiding place." The Claw nodded his head in approval. "It was a rucky day when you joined KAOS."

Balinkoff bowed. "You are too kind. After all, had it not been for the generous support of your organization of evil I would never have had the funds to accomplish this glorious project."

They both looked up at the sound of pounding footsteps echoing eerily off the rock walls of the lava tube. A very tall, muscular, oriental thug rushed urgently through the entrance.

"There are other peopo on dis isrand." He was trying to speak urgently but it was obvious that the denseness of his brain slowed his speech to some extent.

"Yes, Bobo. Mr. Barinkoff was just terring me: seven castaways."

"Nine of dem." Bobo continued.

"Nine?" Both The Claw and Boris Balinkoff swapped a questioning glance.

"Yes." He had to count on his fingers to make sure he got the number right. "CONTROL agents 99 and 86 and seven others."

"You mean Smart is here?" The Claw's normally squinted eyes widened in surprise and rage.

"Enemies of yours, I take it." Balinkoff raised an eyebrow at his comrade's outburst.

"Yes. Dey ruin many a foorproof pran."

"Don't worry, master." Bobo reassured. "I took care of dem." He nodded, obviously quite proud of himself.

"What do you mean?"

"I placed a bomb in the bowl on the table."

"But are you sure dey are erriminated?"

"Yes. I heard it exprode."

The Claw smiled. "We have finery erriminated the troubosome Maxwell Smart!"

Balinkoff did not look so pleased "Yes, but will not their superiors be apprehensive when there is no word from them?"

"Hmm. Yes, dat could be a probrem. But not one dat can't be overcome." He walked over to the other side of the room to an intricately carved wooden table with a long drawer in front, the golden knobs of which were held in the mouths of two oak dragons. On the table stood a row of shiny metal objects, each about a foot long. They were the shape of a short cigar, somewhat pointed at one end and a propeller sticking out the other. They looked suspiciously like miniature torpedoes. He opened the drawer and pulled out a notepad and pen. Flipping open the tablet he began scribbling at it intensely. "We wio send a message to KAOS and inform dem of our situation. Our League of Imposters already have perfect voice matches for agents 99 and 86. It is a simpo matter to foor der Chief into bereveing dey are arive." Once he'd finished writing he reached over with his magnetic prosthesis and grabbed one of the steel cylinders, holding it still while his remaining hand screwed the top off to reveal a compartment within.

After placing the note inside he replaced the cap and moved to the very back of the room where a large pool rippled in the cave floor. A faint glow from below illuminated the dark blue waters. He turned the object over and pressed a small green button labeled: 'SEND', and with a loud whir the propeller came to life. Bending down, he let the object slip from his hand into the water. It immediately dove straight down trailing a stream of bubbles churned up by the spinning blades. The Claw watched it's decent until it turned out of view.

"Quite an ingenious metod of communication." Oriental KAOS agent nodded approvingly as he continued to watch the now empty waters. "Da underwater tunner goes crear to da sea and is perfect for sending deese untraceable message pods troo. CONTROL cannot wire tap dis. Pretty crever."

"I know. After all, I am an evil genius."

The Claw jumped in surprise as he realized that Balinkoff was peering over his shoulder with his wide, ever-disturbing grin. "Don' creep up on me rike dat!"

"I am sorry, my squinting friend. But creeping comes so natural to me."


	10. Choosing Teams

**10. Choosing Teams**

"Well?" The Skipper prompted anxiously, as the Professor rose out of the submarine hatch.

They had all been standing on the bank waiting for the Professor to make his diagnosis on the damage.

He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do." A frustrated groan passed through the group. "It's amazing how that bullet went straight through the radio _and_ central navigational processor."

"Oh, Max." 99 groaned.

"What?" He asked indignantly. "It wasn't my fault. How was I supposed to know it was the flashlight gun? It's not like it has a label or anything."

"But it does, Max. Look." She held it out and pointed to the large black print written on the handle, which read: FLASHLIGHT GUN.

"Well, if it's dark enough to need a flashlight you'd expect them to put the label in a brighter place…" He paused, frowning at his own words. "…eh…"

The Skipper glanced Mr. Howell with a raised eyebrow. The millionaire let out a small snort then turned to the spies. "I suppose the only option we have now is to find out where on this island those dastardly fiends are hiding."

Max shook his head. "No. I think we need to find out _who_ and who will tell us where."

"How can who tell us where if we don't know where who is?"

"What?"

"Not 'what', Max. How."

Max frowned. "How won't help us find out who or where."

"Why?" Gilligan asked.

"Now don't you start!" Max grunted in frustration and stabbed a warning finger in his direction.

99 shook her head. "I think Mr. Howell is right. We need to find out where the base is. Once we're there and have a look around we'll find out who and what's there. When we know who's behind it, where they are and what they're using it will automatically tell us how."

Agent Maxwell Smart mulled this over for a moment. "Shouldn't we find out when?"

"Why?"

"Because when will tell us how much time we have to find out who and where and how."

His partner groaned. "The only person who can tell us when now is the Chief and we can't ask him because you shot up the sub's radio and broke your shoephone."

Max sighed. "So I guess we're back to where."

"You know," Said the Professor to no one in particular as they headed back along the trail toward camp. "There is a large network of caves and lava tubes on the south side of the island."

"Yeah!" Said Gilligan, catching on, excitedly. "I'll bet the base is in one of them. Those caves make great hideouts."

"You should know." The Skipper remarked. "You hide over there whenever there's work to be done."

Gilligan frowned slightly but didn't reply.

"You're probably right." Max said turning to the Professor. "Why don't you show us to the area and 99 and I will have a look around."

"We'll help you look." Said the Skipper, slightly confused as to why this hadn't already been suggested. "After all, this involves us too."

"I don't think so." Max shook his head. "It's too dangerous. You guys wouldn't have a chance against these ruthless killers."

"Now just a minute!" The Skipper said indignantly. "What do you think we are, a bunch of softies?" What he really meant, of course, was: 'do you think _I'm_ a softy.'

Max glanced down at the large spare tire that hung around the captain's stomach but didn't say a word.

The sea captain kindly refrained from punching the spy in the nose for the unuttered insult and continued his defense. "Gilligan and I were in the Navy."

"Yeah:" Gilligan piped up. "It's hard work being in the Navy. And I know a lot about spies and secret agents and how bad guys work."

"Really?" Max raised a curious eyebrow at the first mate.

Gilligan nodded vigorously. "Every James Bond movie that's come out I've watched five times."

99 smiled at that. Max however was not amused. This was serious business and movies had nothing to do with reality. He was about to say so when the Professor spoke in his own defense.

"I'm quite knowledgeable on the mechanics of weapons and have done studies on the inner workings of the criminal mind."

The Skipper gave a quick nod of approval. "And Mr. Howell can…uh…" He looked over at the millionaire, trying hard to think of something heroic or useful to say about his rich friend.

Mr. Howell, not one to be outdone straightened proudly and lied. "I am known as the world's fencing champion. Ha!" He ripped an invisible sword from its equally invisible scabbard and began furiously battling some fictional opponent. The spy watched with arms crossed as the rich man danced around him stabbing the air and dodging imaginary counterattacks. With a grandiose flourish Mr. Howell thrust the nonexistent foil at Max's face. There wasn't even the slightest flinch.

The spy simply raised an eyebrow and said: "Well if we come across any troublesome fences I'll let you know."

99 shook her head and smiled. Sometimes she had a hard time deciding if Max was being sarcastic or genuinely stupid.

"Oh, Thurston." His wife said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "You're so brave."

"Well, alright. But if any of you get brutally murdered don't come crying to me."

" 'Brutally murdered'?" The millionaire took an uneasy step back. "On the other hand someone must stay behind to protect the women." He said, as if he was volunteering for some amazingly heroic task.

"Wait a minute!" Ginger shoved her fists indignantly on her hips. "What makes you thing were gong to stay home and let you men have all the fun?"

"Yeah." Maryann nodded in agreement while inside she was kicking herself for getting involved.

"But your girls." Was Max's only reply.

"She's a girl." Ginger gestured to 99.

_Oh, yeah,_ he thought as he glanced over at his partner. _I forgot._ Aloud he said: "Eh…yes. Well, she doesn't count."

_Thanks a lot, Max_. 99 thought with a sad sigh.

"Why?" The redhead demanded, her green eyes blazing at the injustice.

"She's a spy. And 99 knows how to defend herself."

"I played a spy in a movie once. And I took some self defense classes when I was in Hollywood."

"Why?" 99 asked, taken aback that anyone would want to harm such a glamorous movie star.

Ginger smiled slyly. "An actress needs more than a lawyer to defend herself against some directors." Continuing her argument she turned to Maryann. "And she used to live on a farm. That kind of work makes you tough, or so I am told."

Maryann nodded shyly. "I..I'm pretty good with a rifle too." She said this in a quiet sheepish voice, almost as if embarrassed by the claim.

All the castaways turned and stared. Their sweet, kind, meek little Maryann packing a weapon was an inconceivable thought.

The Skipper's face was the picture of surprise. "_You_ can use a rifle?"

She nodded. "When I was back on the farm coyotes were always getting into the chicken pen. So my dad taught me. Oh, I would never actually _hit_ one. Just scare them off. After all, they're just trying to make a living like everyone else. But I could hit within inches of them every time."

"Alright." Max sighed, finally giving in. "Since there's nine of us we'll split up into three groups of three. That way all the numbers will be even. It's simpler that way."

Gilligan frowned in confusion. "Uh…aren't three and nine odd numbers?"

The Skipper rolled his eyes and swatted his first mate in the shoulder. "You dumbbell. He meant that the numbers of the groups would be even. Each group will have three people in it."

Gilligan shook his head. He wasn't backing down on this. "But three is an odd number!"

"He didn't mean even numbers like 'even and odd numbers'. He meant even as in 'all the same'." The Skipper turned to Max. "Right, Mr. Smart?"

Max stared blankly at the captain for a moment, trying to decide if that was indeed what he had meant. "Eh…right." _I guess,_ He added silently. After an awkward silence he slapped his hands together briskly. "Okay. Let's figure out whom goes with who."

99 leaned over and whispered in his ear. "That's whom."

"What's whom?"

"Who."

"What?"

She voiced a loud sigh of frustration. "Never mind!"

Max shrugged, and continued. "I think each group should have someone who knows the island well as well as someone able to protect the rest of the group. Me, 99 and the Captain, here, will each head off a group." He tossed a pistol to the Skipper, who saluted and stuffed it in his belt. "Now, who knows the island best."

"Gilligan." Said nearly everyone at once. He was always exploring, scouting out places to hide when someone was after him to do some particularly disagreeable chore. He knew nearly every inch of the island.

"Alright, kid." Max beaconed the first mate over and gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder. "You're with me."

"Really? Wow!"

The Skipper rolled his eyes at the goofy grin on the boy's. He would never admit it but he was a little jealous. It was to his Captain that Gilligan always looked up to. Of course he acted annoyed at his attentions but in truth it was good on the old ego. Than again he couldn't really blame him. After all the man was an honest-to-goodness spy.

"Who else?"

"Well, the Professor has been working on mapping the island." Said the captain.

The genius nodded. "I've just recently finished an altitude chart."

"…and Maryann's always scouting around for something new to add to dinner."

She nodded modestly. "I do know my way around pretty well."

Max nodded in approval. "Alright—"

"I think Maryann and Ginger should go with me." Said 99 before Max had a chance to continue.

"Why?" He protested with a frown.

"Yeah, why?" Ginger knew exactly why. She was making 99 jealous, and enjoying it.

"Uh…b-because—"

"Because us girls should stick together." Maryann finished for her. 99 looked down at her in surprise, which she returned with a big smile. She wanted the spy to know she was on her side and wasn't trying to take her partner or boyfriend or whatever he was to her. He had to be something special or she wouldn't be so nervous about her and Ginger being with him without 99's supervision. "Besides," she added. "She can tell us what it's like to be a female spy."

"I could tell you that." Max insisted.

"You've been a female spy?"

"No. But I could tell you what it's like." After a moment of awkward silence he gave in. "Alright. Ginger and Maryann go with 99. That completes one team. Skipper, you take the Professor and Mrs. Howell. And Mr. Howell, you come with me and the kid, here." He clapped his hands and rubbed them together briskly, eager to get started. "Great, now each group has a leader and a guide and a…eh…other guy."

"Hold on, there." Mr. Howell raised a hand and addressed Max. "Let me get this straight. Now, what are you?"

"Agent 86 of CONTROL, the organization of goodness and nic—"

"No! No! You broken record." The millionaire stamped his feet angrily at being misunderstood. "The team. The team, my boy. What are you in the team?"

"I'm the team leader."

"And him?" He motioned to Gilligan.

"He's the guide."

"Well than." The rich man stood up tall and puffed out his chest indignantly "I refuse to accept the title 'other guy'."

"How bout financial manager?"

"Yes that's the perfect title for you Thurston."

"I suppose that's acceptable."

"Good." Said Max. "Can we continue or would you like to take a few days for a proper christening?"

"That's very kind of you but I think I'll pass. After all we're on a mission, you know."

Max glared. "I know."

"But that was so sweet of you to offer. Thank you, dear." Mrs. Howell reached over and patted the spy on the cheek.

"Eh, your welcome."


	11. Game Rules

**11. Game Rules**

The three groups walked as one, planning to split up when they reached the island's halfway point. It was the girls who broke off first.

"If we split up now and go through here," Maryann motioned to the left. "we can show you the prettiest spot on the island. There are vines hanging off of every tree and they're all blooming now. It's like walking through a rainbow and it's on the way to our search area."

"Yeah. You should go, see it, 99." Gilligan said. "It's really pretty and a great place for hide and seek."

99 nodded. She didn't see any reason why not. It sounded like fun. And it _was_ on the way. "Okay. Let's go. Meet up with you later, Max."

Max waved, then turned to Gilligan. "You still play Hide and Seek?" He asked incredulously as if he had just discovered the first mate still used a binky.

Gilligan shrugged, a bit self-conciously. "Sometimes."

"Only when work needs done." Said the Skipper with a disapproving grunt. "He hides and I have to go out and look for 'im."

"You need to advance to better things, kid." The spy said giving Gillgian a friendly punch in the shoulder. "I should teach you 'Conceal and Pursuit'. Now that's a game that challenges your and wits!"

"Wow. Sounds hard. How do you play?"

"Well, it's a game they use in the Spy Training School to test your spy skills. To start out one person is chosen out of the group. Now he will be your 'Pursuer'. The rest of the group will be the Concealees. The Pursuer is blindfolded by the Concealees. The Pursuer then counts down from ten. While the Pursuer counts the Concealees try to find a place of concealment before the end of the countdown. Once he is finished counting the Pursuer must then seek out the Concealees. The discovery of the last Concealee marks the end of the game."

"Wow." Was all Gilligan could think of to say.

The Skipper and Professor swapped a critical look. "Speaking of pursuits," The Professor said with a polite cough. "Shouldn't we be getting on with our search?"

The Skipper nodded with a look that said 'it's about time'. "This is as good a place as any for us to split up too. The girls took the East side of the island so we're left with the South and West. Take your pick Mr. Smart."

Max was about to go through 'einy meenie miny moe' when Gilligan interrupted his thoughts.

"There's a really deep cave just over there." He motioned to their right. "It's got lots of different passages. I think we should check that one out together before we split up. We could search it a lot faster with all six of us."

"Good thinking, kid." Max said, giving Gilligan a pat on the back. "Lead the way."

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is so short and sorry I'm taking so long between updates. I have 3 excuses. 1. I'm just moving into my own place for the first time. It's a li'l 30 ft. trailer that needs quit a bit of work. 2. It was given to Mom who gave it to me in trade for the household computer (which was technically mine but we both paid for it) so I can only work on the computer moms or at the library. 3. I should be working on a portrait (which I will be paid for) instead of writing stupidity (which I don't)...'stupid' is a good thing.

But I am going to try to finnish this story eventually and I'll work on it whenever I get the chance so please don't give up on me completely.


	12. Entrance

**12. Entrance**

"Well, This is it." Gilligan said as they all stared into the inpenitrable darkness of the cave mouth.

"You know," Mr. Howell shuddered and took a couple of steps back. "Someone ought to stay out here and stand guard."

"And what exactly would we need a guard for Mr. Howell?" The Skipper said with an all to knowing grin.

"He's right." Max said. "We should keep a guard out here just in case whoever's in there might only be pretending to be there and really be someplace else. So we should have someone keep watch in case they are someplace else and decide to come back."

There was a long pause as everyone simply stared at Max who pretended not to notice.

"Hmmm. I wonder who that guard should be." The Professor scratched his chin, knowing perfectly well that Mr. Howell didn't want to enter the cave.

Before Thurston could volunteer, Mrs. Howell waved her hand and began bouncing with excitement. "Me! Oh, pick me!"

"Alright, Mrs. Howell." The spy smiled, impressed at her enthusiasm.

"Lovey!" Mr. Howell grunted in protest and stamped his feet. "I wanted to stand guard. I wanted to! Me! Me! Me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Thurston." Said Mrs. Howell, patting her husband on the shoulder. "Maybe we could stand guard together."

He sniffed, his lower lip still protruding in a small pout. "Ok."

"What's the matter, Mr. Howell?" The Skipper teased. "Afraid something in there might get you?"

"Nonsense!" The millionaire threw his head back indignantly. "Nothing lurking in those depths would dare frighten a Howell…It's the dark I'm scared of."

--

"Gosh, it's dark in here. I can't see a thing. We're gonna need a flashlight." Gilligan said as they stepped inside the cave.

"You know the batteries on the flashlight went out months ago."

"We don't need a flashlight." Said Max handing each member of the spelunking party a pair of glasses.

"Sunglasses?" The Professor was a bit skeptical.

"Put them on."

Gilligan obeyed first. "Wow! Who turned on the lights?"

"I can see everything perfectly. It is just like turning on a light." Said the Skipper as he donned his as well.

"Amazing!" The Professor exclaimed. "Absolutely fantastic!"

"Yes." Said Max, slipping on his own pair. "They're very handy when the electricity goes out."

"I can imagine." Said the Professor with a grin.

"This should come in handy as well." Max pulled two bags out of a pocket and handed one to the Skipper.

He loosened the drawstring and opened the mouth of the sack. Inside was a grainy substance that glowed with an eerie blue light.

The Professor reached over, took a pinch of the stuff and held it up for a closer examination. "What is it?"

"Bread crumbs." Max said.

Both the Skipper and Professor stared at the spy blankly. "Bread crumbs?" They said in unison.

"Y'know." Gilligan answered. "Like Hansel and Grettel. You see, Skipper, there was these two kids named Hansel and Grettel and there family was really poor so their mom said to the dad they couldn't afford to keep the kids and told him to take the kids for a long walk in the woods. But it wasn't really a walk, see, he was trying to loose them. But Hansel and Grettel overheard their moms plans so they took these bread crumbs…"

"Gilligan, we know the story!" The Skipper shouted, his voice echoing off the cave walls.

There was a moment of silence before Gilligan continued. "Anyway they took these bread crumbs and made a trail so they could find their way home but…(Smack!)…Ouch!" He broke off his story when the Skipper's hat made contact with his skull.

"Gilligan, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." The Skipper said. "The government taking and idea like that from some silly fairy tail. Humph!"

"Actually," Said Max. "He's right. Prof. Parker was reading Hansel and Grettle to his grandkids when he came up with the formula for this. It's really easy to use. All you have to do is sprinkle a pinch on the ground every few feet and you'll always be able to find your way back to where you were. It works great in parking lots. Especially those underground ones. Do you know how many times I lost my car in those things before Parker invented this stuff?"

"That's ingenious." The Professor said. Then a frown slowly crept across his face. "But won't this glowing substance alert the enemy agents to our presence should they happen upon it?"

"Of course not." The spy said, sounding slightly offended. "What do you think we are, amateurs? Take the glasses of and look at the bag again."

The castaway's complied and the moment they did the blue glow vanished.

"You can only see the glow when you're wearing the glasses." Max explained.

"It seems your organization has thought of everything." The Professor said in admiration.

"Of course." Said Max a little too smugly. "Now, the cave splits in two here. So we ought to split as well. The kid and I will take the right, and you two take the left."

"Right." The captain nodded.

"No, Skipper." Gilligan said, shaking his head. "Mr. Smart said _we_ take the right." He turned to Max. "Right…?" He paused as realization crept across his face. "_Ooh_, never mind."

- - -

"Well, this is as good a place as any." Maryann said, indicating the small cave nearly hidden by jungle foliage. "I've picked mushrooms in there before, but I've never gone very deep. I'm always afraid I'll get lost."

"Oh, we don't have to worry about that." 99 pulled a large piece of chalk out of a pocket.

"What's that?"

"Spelunking chalk."

Maryann cocked her head and scrunched up her nose. "Spelunking?"

99 smiled. That was the exact same reaction she had given Prof. Windish when he had given her the piece of equipment. "Exploring caves."

The young farm girl laughed. "I thought it was throwing rocks in a lake or something like that. That's the sound it makes; 'spelunk'. Silly wasn't it. Like something Gilligan would say."

"Or Max." The spy said. "That's exactly what he said."

The three girls giggled for a moment before 99 continued her explanation. "As you walk through the cave you mark every turn you take on the wall with this."

"Why is it different than any other chalk?" Ginger asked.

99 just stared at them blankly for a moment then at the object in her hand. "I don't know. Regular chalk isn't made for use in caves and this is…I guess." She gave them a helpless shrug. She made a motion toward the cave. "Shall we begin?"


	13. Discoveries

**Discoveries**

"This reminds me of Tom Sawyer." Gilligan was saying as he followed the CONTROL agent through the dark maze. Every time the tunnel split Max would sprinkle a pinch of the phosperecent breadcrumbs on the tunnel floor so when they returned they would know which route to take. "There was this one part where Tom and Becky were exploring this cave, see, and they were marking their trail real carefully until they found these bats. They were scared of bats so they ran away as fast as they could. And…" He paused looking around worriedly for a moment. "Do you think there are any bats in here, Mr. Smart?"

"Probably." Max said, nonchalantly.

"I got bit by a bat once." Gilligan shivered and stepped closer to Max.

"They're just mice with wings. Nothing to be afraid of."

Gilligan thought about it for a moment, decided Max was right and continued his story. "So anyway when they ran away from these bats they got lost. They wandered around in that cave for three days! And…"

"I read the story." Max was beginning to get annoyed at Gilligan's nonstop chattering.

"You did? Well then you remember the part when he was painting that fence and he pretended it was really important and fun so the other kids would want to do it too. They actually paid him for letting them paint! They didn't pay him money, though. By the time the fence was finished those other kids had given Tom a whole bunch of neat stuff, including twelve marbles. I've got some really neat marbles." He reached into his pocket to and pulled out two of the glass balls. "I traded with Skinny Mulligan for 'em…" Being the uncoordinated young man he was he tripped over his own feet, fell forward, slammed into Max's back sending them both sprawling on the cave floor.

"Will you watch where you're going." Max said irritably as he helped Gilligan up.

"Sorry." Gilligan glanced around the cave floor for a moment. "Uh, oh."

"What?"

"I lost my marbles." He sank to his knees and began running his hands through the sand.

"That's for sure." Max said with a grin, then turned serious. "Look, kid, the safety of the entire _world_ is at stake. We don't have time for…"

"Hey, maybe they rolled in here." The first mate said, poking his head into a small opening in the cave wall. It was only about three feet high and maybe four wide. "I wonder how far this little tunnel goes." He said as he crawled through.

"Look quick, will ya?" Max leaned against the wall and glanced at his watch. After a five minute eternity he was about to yell down the hole to tell Gilligan to forget about the marbles when a startled yelp followed by a loud splash echoed through the maze. In and instant he drew his gun and was in the hole. "Are you alright in there, kid? Hey, kid…eh…" He had to think for a moment to remember his name. "…Gilligan?!"

After a tense moment of silence Gilligan's voice spoke up. "I'm okay, a little wet, but okay. Wow! Come look at this!"

-

"Fantastic!" The Professor's voice echoed eerily off the walls of the large cavern. Light strips attached to the ceiling thirty feet overhead illuminated the entire room. The Skipper, Professor, Max and Gilligan stood on the small strip of dry land that surrounded the large underground pond. It was about as large as an Olympic lap pool. A big black submarine floated in the center.

The Professor gazed at the water thoughtfully. "This cavern must extend deep underwater and run clear to the ocean."

"See if you can get it open." The Skipper urged.

At first Max and Gilligan had tried to open the hatch themselves but soon discovered a hidden panel with a numerical keypad. Max said it was a computerized lock and he couldn't open it. Gilligan had suggested they get the Professor and let him give it a try.

"I'll try." The Professor said, as he walked across the plank that crossed from the ledge to the deck of the sub. He'd returned to his hut for the toolbox and was now grateful to relieve his shoulder of the load. He found the panel, lifted the access flap and contemplated the keypad. Perhaps, if he could remove the cover and get to the wires beneath he could control the locking mechanism.

The three of them watched the Professor tinker for a few moments. The Skipper began to tell Max one of his Navy stories, one that Gilligan had heard a hundred times. He let out a small sigh of boredom and began to wander around the rim of the cavern. Before long he was nearly on the other side.

"Skipper, Mr. Smart, c'mere!"

"What did you find Little Buddy?" The Skipper asked as they reached him.

"This." Gilligan said pointing at a large opening. It lead into a wide tunnel poorly lit by faint glowstrips near the floor.

Max looked down the tunnel, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

"Do you think we ought to explore it Mr. Smart?"

"What makes you think we should, Captain?"

"Uh, well…" The Skipper hadn't been expecting the question and stumbled over his words for a moment. "It's lit. I don't see why they'd go through all the trouble of lighting it if they weren't using it."

"Yeah." Gilligan said. "What's the use of seeing were you're going if you're not going there anyway?"

Max gave a deep sigh, rolled his eyes and shook his head sadly. _These two are impossible. I guess I can't be too hard on them. After all, they are only civilians._ "In the world of espionage things aren't always as they appear to be."

Gilligan nodded. "You mean like how your shoe is a phone, right?"

"_Was_ a phone." He mumbled. "But, yes, that's the idea. You see, this tunnel could be a decoy to throw us off the real trail."

"You mean it might be fake?" Gilligan stared hard down the passageway. It looked real to him. He reached a hand through the opening to make sure it was indeed an opening and not just painted on or something.

"On the other hand it could be a trap." Max said casually.

Gilligan jerked his hand back.

"However it very well could lead to the base of operations. Therefore I suggest we investigate."

Moments later the three of them were following the spy's lead down the dark passageway. Why they were following this guy the Skipper hadn't a clue.

"Mr. Smart?" Gilligan asked nervously.

"What is it kid?"

"What if they find us?"

"I'm hoping we'll find them before they find us."

Gilligan swallowed hard. "But what if they find us first?"

"We just have to make sure we're not there when they do."

- -

"So," Ginger began as they moved cautiously down the dark passageway following the beam of 99's flashlight gun. "Are you two and item?

"What?" The spy stopped in her tracks and turned to the moviestar.

"Ginger!" Maryann scolded. "That's her business." Although, secretly she would have liked to know as well.

The redhead shrugged nonchalantly. "Well I just figured there must be something going on between you. I mean the way you get so jealous over him, and all."

"I was not jealous!" Was her weak comeback. "We work together, that's all." They walked for a ways in silence, then she added: "Besides, I'm too tall."

"So you _do_ like him." Ginger said triumphantly. "And you are not too tall. Look at me, I'm tall. I'm also gorgeous, sexy and men adore me."

"Yes, but you're also a famous moviestar."

"And you're a spy. So what?"

99 shrugged. "It doesn't matter, he doesn't like me. At least not _that_ way."

"How do you know he doesn't love you?"

"He's never told me."

Ginger laughed. "You don't know men very well, do you?"

99 just frowned.

"Men hate to talk about their feelings."

"Besides," Maryann said. "Have you ever told him that you love him?"

"Well, no. Not exactly. But I think he knows."

Ginger shook her head and smiled at the spy as if she were a child who had just said something adorable but utterly naïve. "Sorry 99, but men aren't that smart."

The spy grinned wryly. "Funny you should put it that way." She thought about it for a moment and decided that the moviestar was right. Max was a great spy, but he wasn't exactly emotionally discerning.

"Has he ever kissed you?" Maryann asked.

99 could feel her cheeks blush. She wasn't used to all this girl-talk. "I-I really don't think that's any of your business."

"I'm sorry." She hung her head slightly. "I didn't mean to pry."

Ginger, on the other hand wasn't about to drop this conversation. She could tell by the tone of the spy's voice that the answer was to the affirmative. "So he _has_ kissed you!"

"Ginger, I don't think she wants to talk about it."

"Of course she does." The moviestar said matter-of-factly, then turned to 99. "Does he kiss you hard and forceful or soft and gentle?"

99 didn't say anything for a long time and the two island girls had given up on getting an answer out of her when she suddenly said: "Soft and gentle."

"Well, there you have it." Ginger said. "He likes you."

"You can tell that just by the way he kisses me?"

"Like I said before, honey, men don't tell their feelings. But they do show them. And believe me, I've had a lot of experience when it comes to men."

Maybe the moviestar was right. After all she was an expert on these things. She sighed. "I wish he would just tell me, so I could be sure."

"Oh, he will, when he's ready."

99 was about to reply when she stopped abruptly in her tracks. A faint light was glowing from around the next turn. She turned off her flashlight and crept forward with Ginger and Maryann trailing close behind. She drew her gun as she stopped at the corner and peeked carefully around. A well-lit room lay before them. It was about fifteen feet across and slightly less than that wide. A large blinking computer console stood against one of the walls. An opening to another tunnel dominated the opposite wall. The room appeared to be empty so 99 holstered her gun as she stepped inside.

"This must be their headquarters." Maryann said, surveying the room.

"It could be." 99 sounded a bit suspicious as she sat at the large computer and tried to read the directions. Unfortunately they were in code. "But if it is why isn't anyone here?"

She was answered by a high-pitched shriek. She drew her pistol and whirled around to find a very large oriental thug holding Maryann's arm behind her back and holding a gun to her head. "Don move." He ordered.

"Bobo!" 99 shouted, jumping to her feet.

"You know him?" Ginger asked.

She nodded. "He works for one of KAOS's most ruthless villains."

"Put gun down." He commanded 99. "Or no more pretty little friend."

There wasn't much else 99 could do. She slowly set her gun in the sand, backed off and raised her hands.

Ginger went into immediate action. Gliding up to him she slid a hand around his neck. "Hi there, big boy." She said in her most breathy, provocative voice. "How 'bout you let silly little Maryann go and get a nice big kiss from Ginger?"

"No."

"Why not?" She ran her fingers over his bald head.

"Lee Chin be angry." He didn't move a muscle.

"Oh? Girl back home, huh? And what would could the little Geisha do about it?"

"Lee Chin not Geisha. Lee Chin black belt karate master." And with that he pushed the moviestar away. "Get over to wall and I chain you up."

Author's note: It's taking me a while but I _will_ finish this story! Hope nobody's giving up on me.


	14. Capture

**14. Capture**

"I don't like it in here." Gilligan said, as they traversed the poorly lit passage. "It's scary." When they had started their journey he was all for it, excitement had clouded over everything else, but now that he had time to think it over he wasn't sure he liked being so deep underground.

"Stop being such a chicken liver, Gilligan." The Skipper said. "It's just a cave, you've been in them before."

"Yeah, but what if there's an earthquake or something and the entire mountain collapses on top of us? We could die from that."

The captain gave a sarcastic roll of his eyes. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, we'd never get out and starve to death."

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself." Max said smartly.

Gilligan stared at the spy in complete amazement. Even the Skipper got scared sometimes. "You mean you wouldn't be scared if the whole mountain fell on you?"

"No."

"Wow. Did you hear that Skipper? He wouldn't even be scared!"

The Skipper just grunted. He thought this guy was just full of hot air. But he didn't dare insult the person who was going to rescue them.

"No, I wouldn't be scared," Max continued. "I'd be too dead."

They walked in silence for a while. Then, without warning, Gilligan let out a rather loud sneeze.

Max jumped about two feet into the air, drew his pistol, whirled around and aimed at the sound. Gilligan's hands flew up in surrender. Instantly realizing it was only the first mate, Max grinned rather sheepishly and holstered his gun. "Eh, sorry about that, kid."

After they had all calmed down a bit, the Skipper grinned. He just couldn't help himself. "That looked like fear to me."

Max frowned, angry at being caught, especially by people who were supposed to admire his prowess. His quick and irritable retort was; "Can't you tell the difference between fear and lightning quick reflexes?"

As they followed him down the tunnel Max continued. "Yes, my body is a highly trained fighting machine. And my mind is like a steel trap, able to discern even the smallest details."

"My there's suddenly a lot of hot air in here." The Skipper mumbled.

Max shook his head. "Seems a little cold to me." They turned a corner and Max stopped abruptly. He put a finger to his lips, demanding silence. Just ahead there was a large steel door set into the cave wall. The door was open and light streamed from it. They could hear muffled voices from inside. He leaned close to the Skipper and whispered; "Got your gun, captain?"

"Right here."

"Good. We're going in. Follow my lead." He turned to Gilligan. "Stay behind us, kid."

He nodded. No problem there. He wasn't about to head off a raid.

Max rushed into the room gun first. "Alright everybody, hands up!"

The Skipper rolled his eyes. "Not you, Gilligan!"

"Oh."

A small oriental man bolted to his feet. "Smart! You're arive?"

"Well," Said Max smugly, as he kept the criminal covered. "If it isn't my old friend the Craw."

"Not Craw! Craw!" The KAOS agent shouted in exasperation.

"He's your friend?" Gilligan asked in disbelief.

Max frowned and shook his head. "No, no. When I say 'friend' what I mean is diabolical adversary."

Gilligan nodded. "Oh, I see."

"What's with his hand?" the Skipper asked, indicating the Claw's prostheses.

"Have you ever heard of the 'Great White Whale'?" their diminutive foe inquired.

The Skipper's eyes widened. "That was done by the 'Great White Whale'?"

"No. This was done by a small red convertible."

"Don't get too close, captain." Max held up a warning hand. "That magnet is powerful enough to rip the gun right out of your hand."

"So, my two leetle guinea pigs, we meet again!" They all turned to see Ballinkoff rise from where he had been sitting, unnoticed, in the back of the room. He bowed deeply to the captain and crew.

"Ballinkoff!" The Skipper exclaimed wide-eyed. Gilligan leapt behind his captain and peeked nervously around him.

Max frowned, glancing from the strange man in the cape to the two castaways and back again. "You two know this guy?" He was slightly irritated that these two civilians knew something about KAOS that he did not.

"Yeah," Gilligan nodded, still hiding behind the Skipper's large frame. "He's the mad scientist who lives in a creepy castle on another island."

Ballinkoff stamped a foot angrily. "I have told you time and time again: scientist, yes. Mad, no!" With that he let out a hysterical giggle, but quickly stifled it with an embarrassed shrug. "Besides, I prefer 'evil genius'."

"One time he kidnapped us and took us to his castle, and switched our minds!"

"He did what?" Max could scarcely believe his ears as Gilligan continued.

"He put us in these little glass booths and latched the door. Then he pulled this leaver and then I was Mr. Howell."

Max put a hand on Gilligan's shoulder. "You poor kid."

"You think he had it bad?" The Skipper said. "I was _Mrs_. Howell!"

"What are you complaining about? At least you would have lost a couple hundred pounds. Think of poor Mrs. Howell!"

The Skipper's eyes narrowed and his hands clenched into fists, but other than that gave no reply. After all, this guy _was_ going to get them off the island.

Gilligan clamped a hand over his mouth trying to stifle a giggle. He shut up quickly when he was rewarded with a smack over the head.

Ballinkoff eyed the Skipper and Gilligan resentfully. "And my ingenious scheme for world domination would have worked too if it had not been for them!" He shot an accusing finger at the two castaways. "They were very uncooperative subjects."

"I've got a good mind to turn you into the medical board." Max said. "They'll take your license away for malpractice like that."

"Yeah," Gilligan added. "And his bedside manner was terrible."

"I don't have a license." Ballinkoff crossed his arms proudly.

"In that case we'll charge you with practicing medicine without a license."

Gilligan tugged on Max's sleeve. "He didn't give us any medicine."

"Oh." The spy looked a bit confused for a moment but shook it off quickly. "Er…yes…well, I'm sure we'll get him on something."

A strange pulsing buzz filled the room, accompanied by a large, blue, blinking light on one of the computer consoles.

"What's that?"

"Dat is Bobo. He is carring."

"Answer it." Max waved him over with his gun. "But no funny business."

The Claw nodded, moved to the computer and flipped a switch. "What is it, Bobo?"

Bobo's voice crackled over the intercom. "Intruders in D room."

Max, Gilligan and the Skipper exchanged a worried glance.

"Intruders?"

"Yes. Tree women. I capture dem."

The Skipper's jaw dropped. "Oh, no!"

"They got the girls!" Gilligan's wide blue eyes looked from Max to the Skipper. "What are we gonna do?"

A hint of fear crept across Max's face. _99_. It was soon replaced by an angry glare at the sight of the Claw's smug smile.

"It seems the tables have turned, Mr. Smart."

His expression turned to on of equal smugness as he took aim with his pistol. "That's what you think." As he pulled the trigger the resounding gunshot echoed deafeningly off the cave walls.

Gilligan automatically sprang into the Skipper's arms and clamped his hands over his ears.

The Claw leapt back as smoke and sparks exploded from the console.

"What did you do that for?" The captain asked Max as he set Gilligan down.

"Huh?" The first mate wiggled a finger in his ear trying to make the ringing stop.

"When he captured them we didn't know that they'd captured the girls. He didn't either. But when he found out that he'd caught the girls he figured he could capture us because he knew he'd captured the girls. And now he knew we knew the girls were captured. So he could tell us that the girls…that we…uh…so they…er…" Max blinked hard a couple of times trying to figure out exactly what he had been trying to say.

"Could you say that again?" Gilligan asked, his hearing just beginning to return.

"Eh…I don't think so."

The Skipper thought about it for a moment. "You shot their radio so he couldn't give orders to threaten the girls?"

Max narrowed his eyes at the captain. "Isn't that was I just said?" Before anyone had a chance to answer he gestured threateningly to the two KAOS men. "Alright, Craw, Mr. Scarloff, center of the room. Now!"

The Claw obeyed but shook his magnet in frustration. "Craw, not Craw. Craw!"

"That's Ballinkoff." The scientist corrected with an indignant flourish of his cape as he moved next to his comrade.

Max ignored the criticism and nodded approvingly. "Good. Stay there."

"Somebody's got to rescue the girls!" The Skipper wrung his hands worriedly.

"That, Captain," Max tapped him casually with his pistol. "Is your assignment."

The Skipper stiffened nervously and pushed the gun away as politely as possible. Getting shot, even accidentally, was not something he had any desire to experience. "By myself? What if I'm outnumbered?"

Max looked somewhat offended by the gesture but didn't mention it. "You can enlist the Professor and the Howells if you don't think you can take it."

The Skipper scowled. " 'Can't take it'? Why I…"

"Besides, there could be up to five guys there and you'd still have them out numbered." Max glanced meaningfully at the Captain's oversized gut.

Gilligan laughed out loud but covered his mouth quickly as he saw the Skipper's face turn a deep crimson.

_Count to ten, Jonas. Calm down._ The Skipper told himself with gritted teeth. _Count to ten. That's right, I'll count to ten and _then_ I'll belt him!_

"Oh, by the way," Max was completely oblivious to the Skipper's anger. "You'll need this." He removed his watch end handed it to the captain, who's irritation changed to confusion.

"But I already have a watch."

Max grinned knowingly. "Not like this, you haven't." As he pressed a button on the side and the hands and numbers disappeared to be replaced by a strange black screen. "You see that little red dot? That's you. Or me. Or whoever's wearing this watch. And that green dot over there is 99."

"That's amazing! It's like a radar scanner."

"Exactly. Now just follow the directions and it'll lead you to the girls."

"My Manny Moose watch plays the theme song for an alarm and his antlers tell the time." The First mate said proudly.

The Skipper rolled his eyes. "Gilligan, nobody cares about…"

Max turned to Gilligan. "Really? I used to have one of those. But the Chief took it away when the alarm got stuck on."

"I hate it when that happens."


	15. Skipper to the Rescue

**15. The Skipper Almost to the Rescue**

The Skipper moved carefully down the tunnel. The dim glowstrips cast an eerie blue light on the black lava walls. The dank smell reminded him of the torture chamber in Ballinkoff's castle. The whole place seemed darker and colder than it had before, now that he was alone. It wasn't that he was afraid, mind you. He kept telling himself that there was a difference between healthy apprehension and true fear. But deep down he knew it was simply a mild case of the willies.

The Skipper decided not to enlist the help of the Professor right away. When he got to the place the girls were being held he would assess the situation from a distance. If he could handle it himself he didn't want to risk endangering anymore of the passengers. Even though he no longer had a ship he still thought of himself as captain and he would always feel responsible for his passengers and crew.

He grumbled quietly to himself as he walked. The sound seemed to magnify as it echoed off the dark stone. Gilligan had been given a choice; come with the Skipper and help save the girls or stay with Max and guard the villains. He chose the latter. The Captain knew it wasn't lack of concern for the girls, he knew the Skipper could handle whoever was there. But the first mate's faith did nothing to lighten his captain's mood.

_Gilligan's decision is perfectly understandable_. The Skipper told himself._ After all, it isn't every day that you get to hang out with a honest-to-goodness spy. And Gilligan has always been interested in that kind of stuff._ He frowned and shook his head. _If it's so understandable then why does it irritate me so much?_

He stopped for a moment where a smaller tunnel branched off from the main one. The watch/tracking device indicated that he should turn and take the smaller passage. As he followed the corridor he hoped beyond hope that the girls were okay and he was not too late.

- - -

"What's this room for?" 99 asked Bobo from where she sat on the sandy floor of the cave. Her wrists were beginning to blister where the metal cuffs chaffed against her skin. Each cuff was attached to the wall by a two-foot long chain. It allowed only a limited amount of movement. Ginger and Maryann were shackled similarly on either side of her. Maryann looked terrified but Ginger seemed mostly annoyed that she hadn't been able to vamp their captor.

"Why I tell you?"

99 shrugged. "Just trying to make conversation."

"Why talk wit me? I capture you."

"Because you've got such a beautiful voice, big boy." Ginger purred.

A large grin spread across his face. "I do sing in KAOS choir."

"Oh, and I bet you're good at it too."

99 tried to suppress a grin herself. _This girl is good. She'd make a great agent with all her acting experience._

"You want I should sing for you?"

"No." The moviestar said with a sly smile. "Talking is much more _personal_."

"Okay, I talk."

"What's the computer for?"

"Dust." He said simply.

Maryann gave 99 a confused glance. "Dust?"

"A mind-controlling dust made from microcomputers." The spy explained. "They're going to spread it over the earth by erupting this volcano."

"This sounds exactly like one of Gilligan's comic books." The first mate was always trying to explain the appeal of the superhero world to the young farm girl. He had read them to her several times. Maryann never found the stories very appealing but Gilligan's enthusiastic storytelling and dynamic sound effects were always amusing.

"Das where we got idea." Bobo said. "From comic."

She knew which one too. It was the one they had read together about three days ago; 'The Big Kablooie'. Now that she looked closer even the computer bank looked exactly like the one in the story.

"How does it work?" 99 asked.

Bobo shrugged. "Don' know. Somehow otter computer turn dis one on when mountain bro up."

"How do you deactivate it?"

The bald man frowned. Something dawned on him. He was being used. "No more talk."

"Oh, come on." Ginger purred. "We won't tell."

"No!"

99 recognized the look on his face. They would get no more information out of him. _Time for plan B. _The chains barely allowed her to reach into one of her pockets. "Anyone want a mint?"

Ginger gave the spy and incredulous look. "This is hardly the time to worry about your breath."

"What can I say," 99 said with a shrug and a meaningful wink. "It's an addiction. But not a bad one. These are very…_ahem_…good for you."

"Oh, I see." Maryann nodded in realization. The spy was up to something, but she couldn't imagine what. "In that case I'll take one."

"Me too." Ginger too took one of the pink candies from the tin. "Strawberry?"

99 nodded. "Good aren't they?"

Bobo watched them closely, his mouth watering. "I have one?"

"After chaining us up like this?" 99 shook her head and put the container back into her pocket. "Fat chance."

The big man's lip protruded in a small pout. "Not persono. Just my job."

"Oh, well in that case," 99 smile slyly as she reached a hand into another pocket and brought it out as a closed fist. "I have something very special for you."

The two island girls swapped a puzzled glance.

"Fo me?" He came closer.

"That's right." She said holding out her closed hand. "Now bend down."

He did so until he was hovering directly over them, cupping his hands under hers.

"You ready?"

He nodded, his face now level with her hand.

"Here you go!" A blue-green smoke shot out of her ring directly in their captors face.

Bobo gasped in surprise inhaling a lungful of the swirling substance. With a groan he fell forward and collapsed on top of them.

"Get him off! Get him off!" Maryann shrieked.

"I can't breathe." Ginger gasped, trying to push the giant man away.

"Hold on." 99 rummaged through Bobo's pockets until the keys jingled in her fingers. After unlocking the cuffs she gave the giant man a hard shove and he rolled off them.

"Is he alright?" Maryann looked down with concern at the unconscious KAOS agent as 99 released her of her bonds.

"He's fine." The spy said, turning to unlock Ginger. "It's just sleeping gas. He'll wake up in about half an hour. We should restrain him and—" An unexpected voice stopped her mid-sentence.

"Well, it looks like you girls didn't need me at all." They all turned to see the Skipper standing in the doorway, looking down at Bobo with a mixture of surprise, confusion and a touch of disappointment.

"Skipper!" Maryann ran up to him and grabbed his hand. She was about to tell him the whole terrible ordeal they had just suffered when she stopped. "Where are the others?"

Noting the worry in her large brown eyes, he put an assuring hand on her shoulder. "They're fine." He explained that they had decided to explore the large cave together instead of splitting into two groups as originally planned. "The Howells are guarding the cave mouth, we left the Professor at the submarine—"

"You found a submarine?" The girls chorused.

"I didn't tell you about that?" So much had happened in the past few hours! He described the large cavern, the submersible and the confounding computerized lock. "The Professor says that if he can get it open we can radio for help, or maybe even travel to Hawaii!"

99 cheered along with Maryann and Ginger. For a while after Max had ruined his shoephone, the sub's radio and the CONTROL submarine itself she had feared they would be stranded along with the passengers and crew of the ill-fated _Minnow_. The quaint little island was a nice place to visit but she didn't want to be marooned there. It was a relief to know she no longer had to worry about that.

After a moment Maryann's smile faded into concern. "Where's Gilligan?"

"He's with Mr. Smart in another control room. They're guarding the two masterminds of this whole mess." He turned pointedly to Maryann and Ginger. "And you'll never guess who one of them is!"

"Who?" The girls chorused anxiously.

"Boris Ballinkoff!"

"Oh, no!" Maryann exclaimed.

"Not him again!" Ginger scowled. "That creepy little vulture."

"Who's Boris Ballinkoff?" 99 wondered how in the world this group of castaways could have knowledge of KAOS personnel.

"He's a horrible little Frankenstein wannabe bent on world domination."

"He came to our island promising to rescue us." Maryann said angrily.

"But instead took us to his castle and locked us in his dungeon." The Skipper picked up the story.

"That's terrible!" 99 shook her head sympathy.

"That's not the worst of it."

"What happened then?"

All three castaways began to answer at once. It was difficult but 99 was able to catch the drift of their amazing story. Apparently this mad scientist had the ability to transfer the mind of one animal into the body of another and with the unwilling help of the castaways, found it also worked on people.

"It was really strange seeing _my _lips moving and the _Professor's_ voice coming out." Maryann shuddered at the memory.

"The worst part was when I looked into the mirror." She raised a hand as if holding a compact mirror. "What I saw inside frightened, shocked and repulsed me!" Her eyes widened, matching her words as she stared into the nonexistent reflection. She let out a small scream for effect. "Instead of my beautiful face and gorgeous eyes I saw a big ugly brute staring back. I was a monster, something to be feared and shunned." Taking a step back she shielded her face from the imaginary monster in the imaginary mirror. "Tears welled up in my eyes as I hurled the mirror, the image of my hideousness, to the cold, stone floor where it shattered into a million pieces."

"You did not." Maryann's ponytails bounced as she shook her head.

The moviestar shrugged. "I know. But it sure sounded good." The charade now over she turned pointedly to 99. "It was the most horrifying and humiliating experience of my life!"

"I can imagine." The spy said then turned to the large computer. "I wonder if we can deactivate it."

The Skipper moved next to her. He stared at the panel for a moment and scratched his head. "I've never seen writing like that before."

99 shook her head in frustration. "It's in code. CONTROL hasn't broken this one yet."

Maryann stared at the computer for a long time, frowning hard. "I know how to deactivate it."

They all turned in surprise to the young farm girl. "You can't read code." Ginger stated flatly.

"I don't have to." She stepped closer to the instrument panel. "They said that all this was inspired by a comic book. I know which one. Gilligan read it to me just the other day. The computer was exactly the same as this one, clear down to the buttons."

"But do you know which ones to push?"

Maryann nodded. "There was two. First, a big blue one with a purple X in the middle."

"Here it is." Ginger said.

Maryann bit her lip, praying that she was remembering correctly. "Push it."

The movie star took a deep breath and pressed. As the button lit up an electronic voice came out of nowhere. "Confirm dust injection deactivation."

They all turned to Maryann expectantly. "Then there was a red button with a yellow dot."

They searched the panel once more. "Here." 99 said.

Maryann gave a brisk nod and the spy pushed it.

There was a tense silence. Then the computer said: "Confirmed. Deactivation complete."

"We did it!" Ginger shouted.

"Maryann did it!" The Skipper gave his young friend a friendly hug.

She smiled shyly. "Don't thank me. Thank Gilligan and his comic books."

Ginger shook her head irritably. "You're too modest. Do you think Gilligan could have figured all that out?"

"Well…"

"We could use more girls like you in CONTROL." 99 gave Maryann a pat on the back.

She shook her head, laughing at the idea. "I don't want to be a spy. Besides, I don't have what it takes."

"No kidding." Ginger said with a teasing smile. "I could just see you raiding a room of enemy agents. 'Could you all please raise your hands.'" She put her hands on her hips and did a fair imitation of Maryann's voice. " 'You all have been very bad. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.'"

"I would not!"

The Skipper laughed heartily. " 'I've got a pie, and I'm not afraid to use it!'"

Maryann swatted him in the shoulder. "Oh, stop it!"

The Captain flinched as if she'd broken his arm. "Not the slap of death! Mercy, Maryann. Mercy!"

She couldn't feign irritation for long. Soon she was giggling too.

The Skipper leaned against the stone wall for support as he tried to control his mirth. After a moment he said; "I've got to go back and tell Mr. Smart and Gilligan the good news. I'm sure they are worried about you girls."

"We'll see you later, Skipper." 99 said as he disappeared into the tunnel.

Only a moment passed they heard his voice in the distance. " 'Agent Maryann'." And his booming laugh echoed off the cave walls.

-

Author's Note: Sorry for the wait.


	16. Oops

**16. Oops!**

"So, Mr. Binkelhoff, how long have you been working for KAOS?" Max was now standing in the center of the room keeping his gun trained on the two KAOS masterminds who were sitting on the jade green antique couch. They were not restrained but Maxwell Smart was certain he had the situation under control.

"That's _Ballinkoff_, you fool! Bal-ing-koff." The goateed scientist shouted irritably. He was getting fed up with the CONTROL agent continuously slaughtering his name.

Max seemed totally oblivious to his error. "That's what I said."

The Claw leaned close to Ballinkoff's ear and motioned toward Max. "You see what I have to go troo?"

Gilligan was on the other side of the room staring wide-eyed at all the blinking lights, knobs and colored buttons on the computer. "This looks a lot like a computer from one of my superhero comics, 'The Big Kablooie'. It's one of my favorites. It's the one where X-Ray Man meets his trusty sidekick, Speedo."

"Speedo, huh?" Max snorted. "Sounds like a cheap tux."

Gilligan shook his head. "No he's a dachshund."

"A dachshund?" The spy raised an incredulous eyebrow. "That's not a very impressive sidekick."

"Speedo's not just any dachshund. He's a radioactive dachshund that can run a hundred miles an hour!"

"That's impossible. There's no such thing as a dog that can run a hundred miles an hour."

Gilligan frowned defensively. "Have you ever met Speedo?"

"Of course not!"

"Then how do you know he doesn't exist?"

Max opened his mouth to reply but paused and narrowed his eyes. You couldn't argue with logic like that. He smiled and gave Gilligan a pat on the back. "Maybe you've got a point there, kid."

Gilligan looked quite startled. "I do?"

"Yeah. You're a very smart kid."

"Really?!" The first mate squeaked in shock. He could not remember anyone ever calling him _smart_ before.

"You've got a good head on your shoulders." Max tapped Gilligan's temple casually with his pistol barrel.

At the sight of a deadly weapon so close to his head he gasped and took instinctive step back catching his heel on a fold of the intricately woven rug. He toppled backwards, arms flailing wildly. Max reached out to catch him but wasn't quick enough to prevent the young sailor from crashing painfully into the computer console upsetting innumerable buttons and switches on impact. He slid to the floor in a bit of a daze.

"Are you alright, kid?" Max helped Gilligan to his feet.

He nodded and opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a loud siren and a disembodied voice. "Warning. Eruption sequence activated. Safety not engaged. Warning. Eruption sequence activated. Safety not engaged. Warni…"

"You fool!" Ballinkoff leapt from the couch, the Claw at his heels. "What have you done!"

Max whirled around gun first halting the two men in their tracks. "What's happening?"

"He has activated the Eruption Sequence without engaging the safety!"

"Oh." For a moment that seemed to satisfy him, but after a second thought he realized he had no idea what that meant. Of course he had no intention of revealing that to his adversaries. Subtlety was the key here. So he narrowed his eyes and said smugly: "I'll bet you don't even know what that means."

Gilligan shook his head. "No, I don't."

"I'm not talking to you!"

The first mate flinched slightly at the sharp tone. "Sorry."

"Well, Mr. Hoffenberg?" Agent Smart prompted, his voice threatening.

The evil genius was so distraught he didn't even bother to correct the mispronunciation. "The safety feature seals up the air vents during an eruption." He motioned to the multiple holes around the edge of the ceiling.

"So?"

"When the eruption starts boiling hot lava will come flowing through those openings, filling this room, roasting anyone inside!"

"Just a minute." Max obviously wasn't convinced. "How do I know this isn't a trick?"

"No trick! No trick!" The Claw shouted. "We got to get out of here now! Unress you want to be crispy piece of bacon."

"Come on, Mr. Smart." Gilligan urged with a shaky voice. "We better go." He gave his collar a tug. "It's already gettn' hot in here."

Max shook his head. "It's just your imagination. I pride myself on being somewhat of an expert on volcanoes, and I know there is quite a bit of seismic activity before an eruption. If this volcano was going to blow you'd feel it."

Before the spy had even finished his sentence the walls started to rattle and the ground under their feet began to tremble violently. An angry roar from the heart of the mountain battered their eardrums. Gilligan tried to keep his balance but he felt like he was riding a jackhammer and it shook him clear off his feet. He toppled sideways, slamming into Max and pulling them both to the floor in a jumbled heap. The tremor continued for about another ten seconds and Gilligan was sure the vibration was going to shake the fillings out of his teeth.

"I felt _that_!" He exclaimed after the quake stopped.

"So rong." At the Claw's smug farewell they looked up to see the two villans making a dash for the door.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" Max said and instantly realized he was aiming a finger and not a gun. _I must have dropped it when I fell._ He tried desperately to get to his feet but kept tripping over Gilligan who had amazingly managed to get his hand stuck in the spy's holster. They finally untangled themselves and bolted for the door.

"Goodbye Mr. Smart…_for the rast time!_" The Claw's dooming words and Ballinkoff's maniacal laughter seemed to seal the fate of the two remaining men as the large steel hatch slammed shut.

"You'll never get off this island, Craw!" Max yelled, pounding the six-inch-thick door. "This whole place is surrounded by a whole fleet of CONTROL battle ships!" There was no response from the other side. "Would you believe five submarines?" Still nothing. "How about Fang and his rubber ducky?" Max shook his head in frustration. They couldn't hear him.

"How are we gonna get out?"

"I have a plan." The spy announced as he found his gun. "Plug your ears, kid." With that he took a shot at the door. They both ducked as the bullet ricocheted off the steel hatch, bounced off the computer console and the lava walls before lodging itself in the plush sofa.

Gilligan stared at the spy wide-eyed, his heart pounding. He had been sure that bullet was going to end up in him.

"I have an alternate plan." Max said, ignoring the look and straightening his jacket.

"What?" Gilligan unbuttoned his collar as far as he could and rolled up his sleeves. It really was getting hot.

In answer Max marched to the opposite end of the room, turned abruptly and charged. He plowed, full boar, shoulder first into the cold, hard and extremely unyielding metal. The spy let out a small pained grunt and grabbed his throbbing shoulder. Standing up straight and trying to keep the pain off his face he turned to Gilligan. "Never try that at home." He turned to examine the door, expecting to find a dent, at least. But no such luck. Perhaps he had overestimated his strength this one time.

"Maybe there's another way out."

"Like I was just about to say, maybe we can find another way out."

Gilligan's eyes widened in horror and he stabbed a finger over the spy's shoulder. "And we gotta find it fast. Look!"

Max turned and his beady eyes grew as large as the first mate's as he saw red hot lava seeping out of the ventilation holes.

The two of them searched the room franticly for some means of escape, moving the couch, chairs and pulling up the rugs. Max soon found the pool at the back of the room. He noticed the small metal containers on the table and his eyes lit up.

Gilligan came up behind him. "What are we gonna do? How are we going to get out?" He shouted in panic. The lava had oozed down the walls on the other end of the room. It had completely covered the door and was beginning to creep across the floor. "I don't want to be Barbecued!"

"Don't worry kid, w—"

"Me, worried? No, I'm not worried." He paused for a moment then shouted, on the brink of tears. "I'm terrified!"

"Everything's going to be fine. I promise." Max gave Gilligan a reassuring pat on the back. "We'll make our escape through there."

"Through there?" Gilligan stared at the hole. "How do we know where it goes? It might be a dead end."

"It's not. It leads clear to the ocean." The spy said matter-of-factly.

"B-but how do you know? If it doesn't we'll drown!"

Max rolled his eyes. They really didn't have time for an explanation, but he tried a quick one anyway. "You see this?" He held up one of the metal tubes. "It's KAOS's new untraceable, over-seas correspondence device. Set the thing in the ocean and it'll go straight to KAOS headquarters. And I'm guessing this…" He pointed to the pool. "…is their access tunnel to the ocean."

"Well, let's get outta here." He made a move to dive in but Max grabbed his shirt and jerked him back.

"Wait a minute. Put your shades back on." Max instructed, pulling his out of a pocket and setting them on his nose.

Gilligan obeyed. "How come?"

"It's going to be awful dark down there and I don't know about you but I like to see where I'm going."

The first mate nodded. "I hope it's not very far. I can only hold my breath for about three minutes."

"You don't have to worry about that. Here." Max placed a small object in Gilligan's hand.

"It looks like an Alka-Seltzer." He frowned and shook his head. "We don't have time to worry about indigestion! If we don't get out of her now we're gonna have heartburn permanently!"

"It's not Alka-Seltzer." The spy said with an annoyed shake of his head. "It's an oxygen pill."

"Huh?"

"Put it in your cheek and when you run out of air bite down and it'll give you a fifteen minute supply of oxygen."

"Wow. That's pretty neat."

"Yeah, yeah. Fascinating. Now pop it and lets go!"

Gilligan nodded and stuck the pill in his mouth. His eyes squeezed shut and his nose scrunched. "Yuck!"

"Never mind the 'yuck'. I know it tastes awful. Flavor is still in the experimental stage. Now get going, kid!" He gave the first mate a shove toward the pool.

"Don't push. I'm going. I'm going." _I sure hope he's right. If this doesn't lead to the ocean, we're in big trouble. _Gilligan took a deep breath, plugged his nose and dove.

Maxwell Smart ripped off his jacket and tossed it aside. He jumped slightly as it landed only a few feet away and burst into flame. The lava was getting closer by the second. It was now or never. _Boy I wish I had brought my propeller shoes. _He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and plunged into the dark pool.

-

Please tell me what you think


	17. Shaken

**17. Shaken**

"Warning! Eruption sequence activated. Safety not engaged. Warning! Erupt…"

"What is that?" Maryann held her hands over her ears trying to shield them from the blaring siren.

"Must get out of here!" Bobo shouted frantically, struggling against the chains that bound him to the stone wall.

"What does that mean?" 99 asked him urgently.

"Varcano exproding. Cave going to fill wit rava!"

As if in response to his words the whole cave began to shake.

"Get down and cover your head!" 99 shouted, her voice barely audible over the roar of the earthquake. She dropped to the floor and tried to squeeze as much of herself as possible under the chair near the computer console.

Both girls followed orders immediately. Ginger threw her arms over her head and crouched down in the corner between the computer and the lava wall, vainly hoping to gain some stabilization there. Maryann lost her balance and fell rather awkwardly on her backside. After which she crawled over to the chair. 99 scooted over enough so the young Kansas girl could squeeze her head and shoulders under the inadequate shelter. The two women clung tightly to each other until the world finally stabilized.

All three of them rose unsteadily to their feet.

"We've got to get out of here before that happens again." 99 headed for the tunnel, expecting Ginger and Maryann to follow.

"What about me?!" Bobo cried shaking the chains that bound him to the wall.

"We can't just leave him here to die." Maryann said.

The movie star frowned. "Why not?"

"Ginger! I'm ashamed of you." Maryann planted her hands on her hips and gave her friend a stern glare. "He's a human being."

"Are you sure?"

"Maryann's right." 99 said with a brisk nod. "We're the good guys."

"You mean _girls_."

The spy ignored the correction and moved to the bound KAOS man. "And we have to do the right thing."

"You're just going to let him go?"

"Of course not." 99 held up a pair of very heavy looking handcuffs.

- - -

"Oh my! Thurston, what was that?" Mrs. Howell straightened her hat as her husband helped her to her feet.

"I'm not quite sure, Lovey. But for a second there I thought we must have been inside a maraca."

The blond heiress cocked her head. "Don't we have a mansion there? If I remember correctly it was very sandy."

The millionaire laughed. "No, my dear. You're thinking of Morocco. That's a country near Egypt. A maraca is what Fernando plays in our Mariachi band in Spain."

"Oh, the instrument that looks like a pheasant drumstick and goes 'shooka shooka shooka'."

"That's it exactly!"

- - -

The Professor kneeled on the black metal of the submarine. He had long since removed the casing of the hatches control panel and was still fiddling with the wires inside. But after all this time he had not produced any results and was beginning to get frustrated.

Suddenly, without any warning the entire cavern began to rumble. Large waves formed in the pool, tossing the submarine like the storm had tossed the _Minnow_ so long ago. He made a wild grab for the rungs that lead up to the hatch hoping to steady himself but his fingers fell short. With no handhold on the smooth metal he was thrown off the deck. Fortunately he had the presence of mind to take a deep breath just before he hit the water.

As soon as the water engulfed him he swam downward, knowing the likelihood of falling debris. The roar of the earthquake was overpowering under water, the sound waves being amplified by the liquid. He had to resist the urge to cover his ears. Softball sized rocks rained into the pool. By the time they reached the Professors depth they had been slowed considerably by the water resistance and didn't cause anymore damage than a bruised arm.

After a few seconds that felt like an eternity the quake stopped. He waited a moment in case anything else decided to fall, then swam to the surface.

The Professor knew exactly what the earthquake meant. The volcano was erupting. And that was a very bad thing for whoever was inside. He wished there was some way he could warn the others but he had no idea where they were in the underground maze and to begin searching now would be suicidal. As he headed for the exit he could only hope that his friends understood the warning and took immediate action.

- ---

_Gilligan and Mr. Smart are sure going to be relieved to hear the girls are alright._ The Skipper thought as he walked down the poorly lit corridor that would lead him back to the main control room, where he had left his first mate and the CONTROL spy guarding the two KAOS masterminds.

He smiled slightly and shook his head. The Skipper never would have guessed that the girls could have liberated themselves from their huge, overly muscled captor. He still didn't know how they did it. His jaw had dropped nearly to the floor as he walked into that room to see Ginger, Maryann and 99 free and the big thug laying unconscious on the floor. It didn't really matter how they did it. They were alright, that was what was important.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden, deafening roar that erupted from the very walls. The whole tunnel shook like an Etch-a-Sketch in the hands of a dissatisfied and angry young artist. He threw his arms over his head as a shower of small stones rained down upon him. A loud crash was barely heard over the rumble of the mountain itself as the ceiling collapsed merely ten feet away sending an explosion of dust and pebbles flying in all directions.

Coughing and choking he waved his hat in a rather futile attempt to clear the air of the suffocating dust that had filled the atmosphere in the tunnel. After a few moments the dust settled and he was able to breath again. Turning to the path behind him he was startled to see the passage blocked by a wall of large boulders. There was no way he could go back to the girls now. He could only pray that the cave-in didn't affect them and that they still had a way out.

Continuing down the tunnel at a jog he tried his best to pace himself. He had always prided himself on being physically fit, but considering his build, running long distance was not one of his strong points. Worry, however, kept him moving at a steady rate.

Something big was happening. That he was sure of. He could only imagine the powerful forces churning deep within the mountain. When those forces were released he knew it would be disastrous for anyone still inside.

He wasn't worried too much about the Professor and the Howells, for the rich couple were safe outside and the Professor was not too far from the entrance. He was not very concerned about the girls either. They must have another way out because he knew they didn't come in the way he had.

But he was worried about Gilligan. His first mate and the CONTROL spy were fairly deep within this dark maze. He needed to get his little buddy out of there before the whole mountain collapsed or exploded.

_They're fine, Jonas._ He kept telling himself. _The room they were in was pretty sturdy. It wouldn't have caved in…would it? No. Stop thinking like that! They're going to be fine. Gilligan'll be fine. But what if… _He picked up his pace.

He was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he didn't realize he was nearing the junction to the larger tunnel. Just as he stepped out of the small corridor and into the large one when he collided with two smaller figures. All three of them tumbled to the floor in a heap. As he scrambled to his feet he was both shocked and angered to discover the obstacles that had blocked his path were the Claw and Dr. Ballinkoff.

Ignoring him completely they had leapt to their feet and were about to continue their frantic flight when the Skipper grabbed of Ballinkoff's cape and the collar of the Claw's silk robe and jerked them back.

"How did you two escape? Where's Gilligan?" The Captain's irate voice boomed through the lava tube.

"No time for expranations!" The Claw struggled against his iron like grasp.

"We must extricate ourselves from this maze immediately!" Ballinkoff insisted. "The volcano is erupting. These tunnels are going to fill with lava. Now unhand me you," And he rattled off some long, no doubt insulting, Transylvanian word.

The Claw's livid Chinese ramblings were certainly not complementary either.

"I'll ask you one more time." He released Ballinkoff's cape, grabbed a handful of his shirt and lifted the short statured scientist off his feet. When he spoke his voice was low and threatening. "Where is Gilligan?"

"There is no need for brute force, Captain. He is still in the control room, along with that infernal spy. Now relinquish me at once!"

The Skipper released them both, dropping Ballinkoff rather unceremoniously on the cave floor. The two KAOS men immediately took off down the tunnel, heading for the exit.

The Captain set off in the opposite direction, deeper into the tunnel, running as fast as his heavy form would allow. By the time he neared the large steel hatch he was panting heavily and beads of perspiration trickled down his face, and it wasn't just from the exertion. The tunnel was definitely getting hot.

"Gilligan!" He shouted as he approached the door and searched for some way to open it. "Little Buddy, can you hear me?" There was no knob or leaver that he could see. Then he noticed a box set into the metal next to the doorway. Wires and broken circuitry dangled from the opening. With a sharp intake of breath he realized he was looking at the door controls. And they were obviously useless. Whether they were damaged deliberately by the two escaping criminals or by the earthquake it didn't matter. They wouldn't open the door.

_Maybe I can open it myself._ He put a hand on the door but immediately jerked it back with a cry of pain. The metal was scalding hot. His hand was dark pink and blistered where it had touched the burning steel.

_Why is it so hot?_ The unuttered question was answered by a soft hissing sound. He looked up to see red hot lava beginning to ooze out of holes above the door and the upper edges of the cave. _The other side of the door must already be covered!_ He concluded gravely._ That means there is no way to open it._ There was no other option. The molten rock was moving much quicker than he would have expected. If he didn't leave immediately he wouldn't make it out alive.

"I'm sorry, Little Buddy." The Skipper whispered with a wavering voice before he turned and hurried back down the tunnel.


	18. Water and Worry

**18. Water and Worry**

Agent 99 was worried. Very worried. She paced back and forth in front of the castaway's huts. Where _was_ Max?

After the earthquake she, Ginger and Maryann headed straight back to camp leading a heavily handcuffed and rather resigned Bobo. The Howells were already there when they arrived at the clearing. The Professor showed up soon after. It had been nearly half an hour and Max, Gilligan and the Skipper were still missing.

"Where _are_ they?" She said for about the hundredth time. Many possibilities ran over and over through her mind and none of them were good. Half of her was trying to be positive. _He'll be alright. Max is tough. He's been in worse situations than this. Any moment now he's going to walk through those bushes._ But the other half saw everything that could have went wrong. _What if there was a cave in...? What if he was shot...? What if...?_

"I hope they're alright." Maryann sat at the table, nervously biting her nails. She couldn't't bare the thought of anything happening to her friends.

The Skipper was like a brave uncle to her. As the captain he gave the island a sort of stability. He wasn't as smart as the Professor but he knew when things should be done and under his teadybearly authority things were accomplished.

Gilligan...well...Gilligan was special. He wasn't the big, brave, brilliant hero that most girls dreamed of. But he was kindest, most gentle person she had ever met. He had an air of boyish innocence about him that made her smile. After all you don't find many men who's favorite pastime is chasing butterflies. He cared about people and their feelings and was always ready to go out of his way to help. He was always such a good friend and if...

"Oh, I hope they're alright." She said again.

"We can't be pessimistic. There could be any number of reasons for their delay. We've got to keep telling ourselves—" The Professor stopped mid-sentence as he saw the Skipper stepped into the compound.

They all rushed over to greet the captain.

"We're so glad to see you, Skipper!" Maryann said as she stood on her tiptoes to give him a peck on the cheek. But just as she did so she noticed something that gave her a cold, sinking feeling deep in her chest. There were tears in the captain's eyes. She took a step back. "Skipper, what's wrong?" But she need not have asked. The look on the Skipper's face was as plain as words.

His barely audible words confirmed her fear. "They didn't make it out."

-

Maxwell Smart was beginning to get ever-so-slightly more than nervous. The tunnel he was moving through was very cramped. It was only about five feet at it's widest and in the thinner places the walls closed in so tight he could barely squeeze through. But that's not what was bothering him. He wasn't really the claustrophobic type. After all he had been locked in plenty of closets, storerooms, phone booths, small cars, tiny submarines and other various small spaces throughout his career. A great many of them had been KAOS deathtraps created specifically to dispose of any snoopy CONTROL agents.

But this particular small, cramped space was underwater. The saltwater stung his eyes, clogged his ears and flooded his sinuses. He was sure that he would never be able to breathe again without blowing bubbles or shake his head without sloshing. The water made him more than just uncomfortable. It made him downright edgy. Not that he was afraid of the water, mind you. But he certainly wasn't at home in it either. After all, he never did pass the CONTROL swimming test. At the moment he didn't have to swim. He easily pulled himself along the rough stone walls. But once they got out into open water he knew his skills would be put to the test. That is, if they ever made it to open water. He estimated that they had about ten minutes of oxygen left before... Well, he was trying not to think about that. It wasn't easy.

The water was surprisingly warm. He took that as a small comfort until he realized that it was probably due to the fact that they were inside an erupting volcano. That certainly didn't help set his mind at ease.

At least he could see. If it wasn't for the glasses he would be completely blind in this lightless passage. Not that there was really much to see beside the narrow and rather featureless tunnel walls and the bottoms of Gilligan's sneakers as he swam a few feet ahead.

Gradually the tunnel began to widen out so they were able to move side by side. Max still used the stone walls to move through the water. He noticed with a touch of envy that Gilligan didn't need to. _The kid swims like a fish out of water! _He frowned to himself. _Eh...or is it 'in water'? Or is it...?_

He was abruptly pulled from his confusion when Gilligan turned to him with a sudden look of surprise and not a little fear. Gilligan began to swim faster, frantically. It took Max a moment before he realized with a pang of worry that Gilligan's oxygen pill had run out. _The kid may swim like a fish. But he certainly can't breathe like one!_

They turned a sharp corner in the tunnel and suddenly only open water lay before them. They had finally reached the ocean! Sunlight shimmered down from the surface, perhaps thirty feet overhead. Rays of aqua light danced through the tropical water making the cliff, from which they had just emerged, sparkle like a disco dance floor.

They had made it out just in time. Max could feel the flow of oxygen in his lungs slow and stop. He looked up. The surface was only about thirty feet above them. A wave of relief swept over him. Gilligan immediately swam toward the glittering sunlight overhead.

Max was about to follow when a low churning sound drummed his ears through the thick liquid. Although it was hard to tell underwater the sound seemed to be coming from below. He allowed himself a quick glance down. His hand clamped over his mouth to prevent himself from voicing a fatal gasp. Not more than fifteen feet below a long dark shape was emerging from a cave in the underwater cliff. _The submarine! Ballinkoff and the Craw are escaping._ The CONTROL spy treaded water as the u-boat passed beneath him. The propeller seemed to be damaged so the craft moved quite slowly. _I've got to stop them. But how? I'm almost out of air. _Then suddenly it came to him. He would have snapped his fingers at his own genius but the water wasn't conductive to such a gesture, besides he didn't know how.

He reached down to his undamaged shoe and pressed a button on the back of the heel. With a jerk that made his head spin he was drawn downward, foot first, toward the submarine. He struggled for balance as his shoe pulled him onto the dark metal hull. This was the first time he had used his magnetic shoe and he was quite satisfied with it's performance. _I must remember to thank Prof. Parker._

Maxwell Smart crawled rather awkwardly to the hatch. By the time he reached it he was having a hard time holding his breath. His lungs screamed for air. _I've got to do this quickly!_ He reached up and ripped the button from the collar of his shirt, scratched away the plastic top layer to reveal a sticky substance. It stuck easily to the seam of the metal hatchway. He quickly deactivated the magnet in his shoe and swam frantically for the surface, bracing himself for the explosion.

---

Gilligan broke the surface with a loud gasp. Air was something he would never again take for granted. After his lungs were satisfied that he was not going to drown he opened his eyes. To his horror there was nothing but blackness.

"I can't see! I'm blind." The first mate cried to anyone who could hear. He reached a hand up to his face. His glasses had slipped off when he had made for the surface so that was not the problem. "Somebody help! I'm...Oh, wait." He felt a wet substance hanging over his eyes. "Never mind. I just need a haircut." He wiped his soggy bangs away from his eyes and was relieved to find he could see fine. The calm turquoise sea stretched to the horizon where it blended with the clear blue sky. He turned toward shore to catch his bearings. The small waves, barley more than ripples, lapped gently against the large rocky cliff rose perhaps sixty feet out of the water. It emerged from the ocean at nearly a ninety degree angle, there was no way he could climb it. The cliff stretched quite a ways off to his right and left until it finally gave way to sandy beaches.

But there was still something that he should be seeing. Max. The CONTROL spy was nowhere in sight. "Mr. Smart!" Gilligan shouted, his eyes searching the water for his new friend. But he was the only figure on the surface. _He must still be underwater. _"Mr. Smart, are you down there?" He tried to part the liquid with his hand as if that would give him a better view of what was below. It didn't do much good. "Don't stay under there too long! You could drown, and that's really bad for your heath. Mr. Smart!" _Why isn't he coming up? Maybe he got eaten by a shark. Or worse; eaten by a sea monster!!_ At that thought his voice rose to a frantic squeak. "Mr. Smart!!

A series of large bubbles gurgled to the surface perhaps fifty feet away. "Mr. Smart, is that you?" He began swimming out to sea toward the bubbles. "You didn't take a breath did you?" He asked nervously. "Because if you did..."

Suddenly a coughing, gasping, splashing figure breached the surface of the water. "Mr. Smart!" Gilligan swam over to the spy who seemed to be struggling to stay afloat. "Are you alright? I thought that maybe..."

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'm alright." Max said between coughs. He had obviously inhaled a bit of seawater. "Come one." He began swimming in the direction of the bubbles, which were now leaving a slowly progressing trail. "We've got to get to the sub before it surfaces or Berkenstiff and the Craw will escape."

"Sub, you mean submarine?" Gilligan's eyes widened as he swam easily beside the spy who seemed frustrated by his own slow progress.

"Of course submarine!" Max's head dipped below the surface again and he spit out another mouthful of water. _Oh, what I'd give for my inflatable trench coat right now!_

"How did it get out here?"

"I must have been right about the sub's pool leading to the ocean."

Gilligan frowned. "I thought the Professor said that."

"Well I thought of it first."

"How do you know the sub is going to surface?"

"I put a bomb on the hatch."

The first mate stopped swimming, his face the picture of horror and disbelief. "You blew them up?!"

"Of course not. I just broke the seal on the hatch. It's going to leak so they'll have to surface to fix it."

The trail of bubbles ended. "Just stay right here." Max ordered.

Only seconds later a large black object rose from the water beneath them. The next thing they knew the spy and the castaway were sitting on top of a KAOS submarine. Max positioned himself in front of the hatch and drew his revolver. They had to come up sooner or later.

-

-

Author's note: Sorry I take so long. But I only got a coupla more chapters left. I think I'm actually going to finnish this. Wheeeee!


	19. Reunion

**19. Reunion**

"There." Max gave a satisfied nod as he locked the closet door and placed the key in his pocket. "They won't be getting out of there."

Gilligan nodded as he tried to ignore the barrage of threats and insults from the two confined criminals.

"I hope everyone's alright." The first mate said as they walked down the hall of the large submersible.

"I'm sure they're all fine." Max said with a lot more confidence than he felt.

"How do you know?" The young sailor's eyes were full of worry. "Last time we heard everyone but the Howells were in the tunnels."

"For one thing anybody as big as the Skipper can muscle his way out of anything. And the Professor seems like a pretty smart guy. He wouldn't't have stayed after that earthquake. And the girls were with 99. She wouldn't't let anything happen to them."

Gilligan looked only partially convinced. "I'll be happy when we get back."

Soon the damaged KAOS submersible was limping along the surface of the lagoon. Gilligan stood at the open hatch.

"Are we there yet?" Came Max's voice from below. When they first boarded the craft there had been a rather intense scuffle for Max's weapon. Whereupon a screen vital to navigation had been shattered by somebody's elbow. The guilty party will remain nameless. So Gilligan stood halfway out and shouted instructions to Max who was down in the control room navigating the vessel.

"Almost." The first mate's voice echoed strangely down the manhole like hatchway. "A little to the left. No. Wait. A little to the right."

Max tried to adjust their coarse accordingly, but he wasn't very familiar with the modifications KAOS had made to the controls.

"We're getting close. We better stop." Gilligan said. "Uh, I said we should stop. Stop! STOP!!"

The vessel lurched as it plowed into the sloping beach. The sudden jarring caused Gilligan to flip over the rim of the hatch and land with a painful thud on the steel deck below.

Gilligan winced as he stood, rubbing his bruised backside that had taken the brunt of his fall. It was a wonder that he haddn't busted his tail bone. "What happened?" He asked, as Max climbed up onto the deck and surveyed the beach with only mild interest.

"We stopped." The spy said with a finality that forbid Gilligan from pressing the matter.

Gilligan looked at the shallow water ten feet below them and then at the smooth hull of the submarine. There were no handholds and it seemed an awful high jump. "How do we get down?"

"Don't worry, kid." Max gave the young castaway a cocky grin. "I'm always prepared." With that he disappeared back down the hatch. Gilligan watched as he came up moments later tangled in a rope ladder. "_This _is how we'll get down." He was about to toss the it over the edge when his foot caught in the knotted ropes, throwing him off balance. A gasp escaped him as he flailed his arms, trying futilely to regain his footing.

Seeing impending catastrophe, Gilligan thrust a helping hand toward the toppling spy. Max grabbed a hold as if his life depended on it. Gilligan's blue eyes widened in horror as he realized his rescue attempt wasn't going to work. He only had time for a small squeak of surprise as they both tumbled off the deck and into the lagoon below.

Gilligan stumbled to his feet in the knee-deep water, feeling like a drown rat. He always felt like that after he fell into the lagoon, which was quite frequently.

The young sailor cocked his head with an expression akin to awe as he watched Max stand with some difficulty, untangle himself from the ladder and march to the shore as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Gilligan always felt like a scolded puppy when he did something particularly clumsy or stupid. And he knew he usually looked like one too. But this spy just did something completely inept and somehow kept his dignity. There was no shame in his gait, no apology on his face. It was just about the most amazing thing Gilligan ever saw. He could only wish for self esteem like that.

"Are you coming, kid?"

The question snapped Gilligan out of his wishful thinking. He nodded and sloshed onto the beach, following Max into the jungle.

-

"I just can't believe I'll never see him again." The Skipper's voice cracked as he wiped a tear from his cheek. "He was the best first mate a captain ever had!"

The Professor, sitting next to him, nodded sullenly. The genius had not had much to say since the Skipper's sad announcement. He seemed to have retreated into his own thoughts.

99 held her face in her hands. "I should have told him I loved him!" She cried, tears streaming in tiny rivulets down her cheeks. "He was the best spy, CONTROL had, and the only man I ever loved. Now he'll never know!"

"There, there, dear. Here, take this." Mrs. Howell patted the spy on the shoulder and handed her a silk, embroidered handkerchief, which at that moment was quite a sacrifice, for she was still teary over the loss of Gilligan.

Mr. Howell hugged his teddy bear close. But this time it didn't make him feel any better. Gilligan was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. In this situation all of his money was completely worthless; a terrifying thought for the business tycoon.

Maryann was still sobbing uncontrollably on Ginger's shoulder. "I'm going to miss him so much." Her voice squeaked through her tears.

"We all miss him." The movie star tried to comfort her friend while dabbing her own tears away to keep her mascara from running. Even though Gilligan could be an annoying little twerp she was still going to miss him.

Maryann tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but they just kept coming. "He used to hunt butterflies with me."

"If it would make you feel any better I could hunt butterflies with you."

"It's not the same!"

"You know," Said the Skipper. "I can still hear my Little Buddy's voice."

"So can I." Said Maryann between sobs.

There was a chorus of 'me too' from Ginger and the Howells.

"I can hear Max's" 99 said, trying to sniff back tears.

"That's funny." Said the Professor straightening up with a quizzical tilt of his head. "I hear them too."

There was a hushed silence as they listened intently to what their supposedly deceased friends had to say.

"That's ridiculous!" Max's voice was saying. "There is no such thing as a spider that big."

Gilligan's voice replied. "Oh, yeah? Then how come we saw one?"

There was a long pause, then: "Conspiracy?"

A few seconds later two figures stepped out of the jungle and into the clearing. They stopped in their tracks at the elated cheer that greeted them.

99 leaped out of her seat, rushed over to Max, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Max kissed her back while the castaways gathered around to congratulate the two hero's for their safe return. 99 thought she heard a whistle from the crowd and she was pretty sure it was Ginger.

After a moment 99 broke the embrace. "Aren't you going to ask what that was for?"

Max smiled smugly. "I know."

99's blue eyes widened, a hopeful smile touched her lips. _Could he really know?_ "You do?"

"Yep." He nodded confidently. "It's that new cologne I'm wearing,right?"

Her shoulders sagged and she forced a small smile. "Something like that."

99 turned and noticed that Maryann had her arms around Gilligan who looked completely baffled by the whole situation. He stared down at Maryann in shock. For a moment he looked like he was about to faint. "What was that for?" He finally managed to say.

She took a shy step back, just realizing what she had done. "I...um...I mean 'we' were worried about you."

He frowned a little. "Why?"

The Skipper put an arm around his first mate. "We all thought you were dead, Little Buddy."

"Dead? What gave you that idea? I wasn't even sick."

-

Max and 99 stood on the sandy shore of the lagoon, ready to set off to Hawaii. The submarine floated near the shore. It had taken everyone's help and the engines in full reverse to get it back into deeper water.

All seven castaways had gathered on the beach to bid farewell to their new friends.

"Here's the coordinates to the island. Just call the coast guard and give them that." The Skipper handed Max a slip of paper along with a map drawn by the Professor.

"Don't worry, I could find this place with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back."

"Oh," Ginger stepped up and handed him another note, this one smelled of perfume. "This is my agent's number. He works for the Hollywood Acting Agency. Tell him I'll be back soon."

"And call my Uncle Henry too, please." Maryann stuck a phone number written on the torn corner of a book into his hand.

"Mr. Smart," Mrs. Howell slipped an envelope between his fingers. "This is a letter for Princess Grace, telling her we will be there for fox hunting season. You will be a dear and deliver it for me?" She patted Max's cheek with a gloved hand.

"Er, yes, Mrs. Howell."

"Don't forget to call the Howell Battery Company and tell them to sell the stock to fifty cents a share." The millionaire thrust another memo at the overwhelmed spy.

"Are you sure you've got all that?" The Professor asked as he glanced down with a pang of sympathy at the bundle of information.

"I've got it exactly. I call the coast guard and tell Uncle Henry to sell Princess Grace to the Hollywood Acting Agency at fifty cents a share." He frowned and blinked hard a couple of times. Something about that was not quite right. _I'm sure there was a fox in there somewhere._

"We've got it." 99 took the notes from Max and put them in her pocket.

"You know," Max stepped up to Gilligan and put a hand on the young man's shoulder. "You're a pretty smart kid. Maybe you could try out for spy school when you get back."

"Really?" Gilligan was so overcome with excitement that his voice came out a high pitched squeak. "Did you hear that Skipper? He asked me..." His expression changed as his gaze fell upon his captain. He looked thoughtfully at his best friend for a moment. He turned back to Max with a shake of his head. "No thanks. The Skipper's gonna get a new boat when we get back to Hawaii. He'll need a first mate."

Max shrugged. "Suite yourself."

"We better get going." 99 walked across the wooden plank from the shore to the deck of the submersible.

"Oh, by the way." Max said as he followed his partner. "Thanks for fixing the seal on the hatch for us Professor."

The genius shrugged. "It was nothing."

Max waved as he descended down the hatch.

99 began to follow but stopped when Ginger called: "Oh, 99!"

"What?"

"Don't forget what I said about men."

99 flashed a brilliant smile. "I won't. And thank you!"

The castaway's watched and waved until the submarine was completely submerged.

The Skipper suddenly turned to Ginger, hands on his hips. "What about men?"

-

Author's note: So, will they really be rescued? Find out in the Finale!


	20. Tokens of Gratitude

**20. Tokens of Gratitude**

"Max, will you put that comic book down!"

Max and 99 were back in Washington DC. They were sitting in the Chief's office at CONTROL's secret headquarters.

"Just a minute, Chief." Max said, his eyes riveted to the story in his hands. "I'm just getting to the good part. X-ray Man is just about to rescue Speedo from Dr. Teeth."

The Chief sighed in frustration and looked imploringly to 99.

"I haven't been able to get his nose out of those comic books since we got back." She said with a shrug.

The Chief was loosing his patience. "You're here to tell me about the case not read!"

"This is important." Max eagerly flipped another page.

"Not to this case it isn't."

"As a matter of fact," Agent Smart finally looked up. "It is."

Later...

"So, you see Chief, even though the volcano erupted the world is still safe and the Craw, Bobo and Blinkinghoff are behind bars because Maryann remembered how to deactivate the dust injection from listening to the kid read this comic book." Max smiled as he wrapped up his story.

"Survivors of the _Minnow_, huh? Amazing." The Chief of CONTROL shook his balding head, impressed. "I remember reading those headlines.'

"I remember it too." said 99. "It was on the front page of every newspaper."

"Of, course. One of the wealthiest business tycoons on the planet and a very famous actress vanished. It really is remarkable that they survived on that island for three years."

"Yes, Chief." Said Maxwell Smart with a nod as he put his feet up on his superior's desk. "They're a pretty resourceful bunch."

"You know what else this means, Chief?" 99 said as the Chief gave Max a stern glare that told him to keep his feet on the floor.

"What?" Max asked, removing his feet and rubbing the scuff marks off the oak desktop.

"It means that all those reports in the papers about people meeting them were true!"

"What reports?" Max cocked his head slightly. He usually only kept up with crime. Trivial stuff didn't interest him much.

"Remember when Wrongway Feldmen came back after being presumed dead since WW1?"

The Chief nodded. "Yes, I remember that! He said he'd been aided by the passengers and crew of the S.S. Minnow."

"And the Press just thought it was a figment of his wild imagination."

"Oh, I remember that now. I saw the guy on the news." Agent 86 of CONTROL smiled. "He was the one who landed backwards in that cornfield in Cincinnati."

"And Erica Tiffany Smith."

Max frowned. "Isn't she the one who slapped a cop?"

The Chief shook his head. "No, Max, that was Zsa Zsa Gabor."

"Oh...right. I always get those two mixed up."

The Chief nodded slightly. This was one error that was perfectly understandable. The two women looked, talked and acted nearly identical, and were both Hungarian to boot.

"So," Max turned the subject back to the castaways. "When do we pick them up, Chief?"

"We don't."

"What?!" Both Max and 99 exclaimed at once.

"I'm sorry, but it's just too risky."

"What do you mean?" Max jumped up from his chair, ready to argue.

"Max, think about it. After three years on a deserted island seven people, three of whom are famous, are finally brought back to civilization."

"So?"

"The press would be all over it."

"So?"

"Someone's bound to ask them who discovered them. The answer is you and 99." When Max's rather blank expression still didn't change the Chief continued. "And then they'll ask why you two happened to be on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere."

"We were on a secret mission." 99 finished, realization dawning on her lovely face.

"Oh, yeah." Max's shoulders sagged as he finally got the point.

"Anyone reading a newspaper would know you two were spies. Then you would be of no use to CONTROL."

"A spy is not a spy if everyone knows he's a spy."

"Exactly."

"Maybe we could ask them not to tell."

"They know too much. One of them is bound to let something slip in all the excitement."

"But Chief," Max sat heavily in his chair. "We promised them."

"I'm sorry, Max." His sad smile acknowledging that he truly was. "But that's the way it has to be."

"It isn't fair." The spy slammed an angry fist onto the Chief's desk, upsetting an ashtray, sending cigarette remains flying in all directions. "They really helped us."

"Life isn't fair." The Chief tried to brush the ash off his suit, but only succeeded in smearing it around.

"Max is right." 99 said. "At least we could do _something _for them."

"What would you suggest?"

-

It had been a week since the two spies had left the island.

"Anything yet?" The Skipper shouted up at Gilligan, who was perched in a palm tree near the beach with a pair of binoculars.

"Nothing. Can I come down now? I'm going cross-eyed. I've been up here for hours."

The Skipper took several steps away from the tree, not wanting to be a landing pad for his Little Buddy. "Yeah, I guess you can come down now."

Gilligan slid down the trunk and landed, surprisingly on his feet, but when he let go of the tree he toppled over backwards.

"Gilligan, are you alright Little Buddy?" The Skipper asked as he helped his friend to his rather wobbly feet.

"I'm alright." Gilligan shook his head trying to make the spots go away. "I'm just a little dizzy from staring through those binoculars all week." He stuck a finger in one ear and wiggled it. "I think it's affecting my hearing too."

"That's impossible, Gilligan. Looking through binoculars can't affect your ears."

"Then where's that drumming sound coming from?"

"What drumming...?" And then he heard it too, a low hum or whirring. It was getting louder. "What in the world?" Then it suddenly hit him. He looked up and an elated smile exploded on the Skipper's face. "It's a helicopter!"

"It's them!" Gilligan shouted, jumping up and down and pointing at the aircraft as it passed overhead. "It says 'CONTROL' on the side. It's them!"

"It's heading toward the lagoon. Come on, Gilligan!"

When the captain and first mate arrived at the lagoon the other castaways were already there. The chopper was hovering directly overhead.

"Why are they flying so high?" The Skipper asked as he joined the Professor. "Aren't they going to land? There's plenty of room"

"Look!" Gilligan stabbed a finger at the sky. "They dropped something. It's got a parachute."

They all watched as the chute floated down bringing a wooden crate to a soft landing on the sand of the beach.

"Oh, no!" The Professor cried, motioning to the helicopter as it started back the way it had come. "They're leaving!"

Every one of the castaways jumped up and down waved and screamed at the top of their lungs.

"Wait! Wait!" Gilligan shouted, doing what appeared to be frantic jumping jacks.

"Oh, please come back!" Maryann's ponytails bounced as she tried to get the chopper's attention.

"Turn around!"

"Don't go!" The Professor and Ginger waved her arms.

"Where are you going?" The Skipper waved his hat.

"We're having a rescue party!" Mrs. Howell waved a handkerchief.

"I'll make it worth your while!" Mr. Howell waved money.

They watched in despair as the helicopter slowly disappeared over the horizon.

"They're gone." The Professor shook his head as he heaved a disappointed sigh.

"They just left." Gilligan stared at the sky looking shocked and betrayed. "I thought the were our friends."

"Never trust a spy." Mr. Howell grumbled, stuffing the wad of cash he had been waving back in his pocket.

"Well, let's see what they left us." The Skipper pushed the parachute off the crate and with a small grunt of effort tore the lid off. Inside were seven colorfully wrapped packages, complete with ribbons. On the very top was an envelope labeled 'Castaways'.

"Open it! Open it!" Gilligan urged.

"I _am_." The Skipper tore open the edge and pulled out a note.

"Read it! Read it!"

"Gilligan, will you stop that. Settle down!"

"What does it say? What does it say?"

"Shut up and I'll tell you."

Gilligan managed to keep himself quiet while the Skipper read the letter.

"Dear castaways

We are very sorry to say that Max and I will not be returning for you. The Chief insists that If you are rescued one of you may blow our cover. There is so much we went through together that it would be hard to be sure all of you would keep quiet. We tried to change his mind, but he couldn't't be convinced.

But we couldn't't just leave you without some token of our appreciation. Enclosed is something for each one of you. I hope you like what Max picked out.

Sincerely, your friend 99"

"Well, let's see what's in here." Gilligan reached into the crate and began pulling out the packages. Each one had a small piece of paper with a name and a small not attached to it. "This one is for you Professor."

The Professor sighed, took it and read the note. "The scientists at CONTROL are always working on these." He tore open the edge and out slipped a magazine. "Calculus crosswords." He smiled and shook his head. "It's not a rescue but this might be fun."

"Here's yours Mrs. Howell." Gilligan had a bit of difficulty lifting the tall heavy object out of the box.

"Oh, I just love presents. I wonder what it is."

"Open it!" Gilligan said.

She eagerly tore the paper away to find...a vacuum cleaner. "Oh, dear. I opened it and I still don't know what it is."

"Don't tell me you've never used a vacuum cleaner before." Maryann said with a slight cock of her head.

"Of course not!"

"Read the note." Gilligan urged.

"Dear Mrs. Howell, I remembered how you wanted 99 to wipe her feet before she went into your hut. Well, now you never have to worry about a sandy floor again." Mrs. Howell smiled. "How thoughtful."

"Unfortunately," The Professor said. "There is nowhere to plug it in."

"Oh, well. We can hang hats on it, or something."

"Mr. Howell." Gilligan handed the millionaire a football sized gift. "This is yours. The tag says 'something a man with money will appreciate' "

After removing the paper he turned the porcelain pig over in his hands. "And what, pray tell, is this?"

"It's a piggy bank, Mr. Howell." Gilligan looked somewhat shocked at his friend's naivety. "You put your small change in there."

"Small change? Ha! That's very funny." He shook his head. "A Howell never has change."

"Here, Ginger. The note says '99 likes to go here' "

The Movie star opened the small box and pulled out two slips of paper. "A years membership to Marcell's steam baths in Washington." She sighed. "I haven't had a steam bath in forever. Oh, if only I could use it!"

Gilligan pulled out an oddly shaped package. "This one's for Maryann."

She read the letter first. " 'For a wonderful cook.' It's a blender."

The Professor smiled warily. "Once again. No where to plug it in."

"Ooh. Here's mine." Gilligan found a small bag with a ribbon around the top. The note said. 'I thought I'd replace what you lost in the cave. Happy trails, kid. I hope we meet again.' "Marbles!" Gilligan shouted upon opening the bag. "Oh, boy. Look at these, Skipper! A red one, and a blue one, and two peewees, a cat's eye and..."

While Gilligan was taking inventory of his new marbles the Skipper pulled out the last package. 'To the Skipper,' it read. 'something every man of the sea should have.' "A ship in a bottle." He grumbled angrily.

"I think it's nifty, Skipper." Said Gilligan, noting the captain's tone.

"We don't need a toy boat! We need a real one so we can get off this island!"

"Yeah, but I don't think a real boat would fit in this bottle."

This comment was rewarded with a smack over the head.

"You know." The Skipper said shaking his head and replacing his hat. "Sometimes I think we'll be stuck on this island forever."

The Professor nodded solemnly. "Battling tropical diseases,"

"And typhoons," Maryann added.

Ginger sighed. "Cold showers."

"The dirt." Mrs. Howell said with a wrinkled nose.

"The lack of enterprise." Mr. Howell sniffed.

Gilligan smiled. "And loving it!"

Author's note: Well, that's it. Didn't I tell you I'd finish it? Please tell me what you think.


End file.
